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2020.07.27 11:52 27JJuldacket Da-ting Si-tes for Married Cou-ples

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2019.01.21 08:00 baj2235 Quality Contributions Catch UP Thread

As the title suggests, below you will find several months of Quality Contributions from both within and outside the CW thread, allocated together for your viewing pleasure. We aren't quite caught up yet, but these reports take us to mid December, so we are close. Hopefully over the next week I can get us caught up completely, and then begin posting them to the thread regularly again.
Additionally, I would like to give a special thank you to sscta16384, who was kind enough to provide both technical aid in the form of scripts as well as providing titles for each contribution (which honestly, is one of the hardest parts).
Enjoy.

Culture War

Culture War Roundup for the Week of October 15, 2018

biggest_decision on critically reading Wikipedia about the EU:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of October 22, 2018

TracingWoodgrains on Francis Fukuyama:
darwin2500 on problems with capitalism; and cjet79's reply:
Ilforte on Jordan Peterson:
marinuso on Bangladesh vs. the Netherlands:
throwaway_rm6h3yuqtb on damnatio memoriae:
BarnabyCajones and baj2235 on "toxic masculinity":
Karmaze on Kayfabe:
JTarrou on alternative media:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of October 29, 2018

Birdsday on German electoral politics:
dnkndnts on the logistics of cloning Twitter:
darwin2500 on a permanent immigrant underclass:
MC_Dark on the Electoral College, arguing both sides:
BarnabyCajones on Progressivism and voter turnout:
darwin2500 on experimental beliefs on social media:
Halikaarnian on anarcho-tyranny:
[deleted] on how WWII is taught in schools:
rakkur on voter fraud concerns:
naraburns on the far right's power:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of November 05, 2018

cincilator on radicalism and "Matrix" narratives:
BarnabyCajones on defining "religion":
gattsuru on Ayn Rand and Cat Fancy:
khainebot on Australia's immigration policy:
TracingWoodgrains attempts an ITT of TheHiveMindSpeaketh's views on SocJus etc.:
cae_jones on the tension between age and maturity:
TheUtilitaria on what Sam Harris thinks "right" means:
baj2235 on the Galbrush paradox:
you-get-an-upvote on analyzing the CW thread:
georgioz on the CW in South African politics:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of November 12, 2018

darwin2500 on first- vs. second-order effects of political violence:
TexasJefferson on relativism vs. pluralism:
TracingWoodgrains on growing up in a bubble:
ThirteenValleys on the health of the forum:
TulasShorn on the Obama coalition:
MiserableMusic on left- vs. right-wing view of public morals:
BarnabyCajones on "Do what is right, let the consequence follow":
professorgerm defining some useful terms:
cincilator on STEMlords:
EdiX on the Overton window:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of November 19, 2018

gattsuru on the death of the blue collar job:
07mk on workers of the world uniting:
PmMeExistentialDread on standoffs:
TheHiveMindSpeaketh on masculinity vs. femininity; and darwin2500's response:
ruraljune on the normie vs. radical mindset:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of November 26, 2018

DoctorGlas on industrial action:
BarnabyCajones on meritocracy:
zzzyxas on evo-psych:
darwin2500 on insight vs. novelty:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of December 03, 2018

HalloweenSnarry on Tumblr porn:
cincilator on coming from a former communist country:
Njordsier on being against divisiveness:
best_cat on shifting sexual morality:
paanther on attitudes towards blackness/whiteness:
TrannyPornO on the ineffectiveness of political spending:
wulfrickson on the RationalWiki milieu:

Culture War Roundup for the Week of December 10, 2018

07mk on defining "violence":
Namrok on speaking of the "maleness" of things:
07mk on criticism of progressivism:
Njordsier on partisanship in the Senate:
brberg on income and social worth:
penpractice on what low-skilled jobs are like:
j9461701 on neo-paganism:
MoreDonuts's Scott Alexander rap:

Non-Culture-War

(2018-09-09) Reddit4Play on increasing your intelligence:
(2018-10-22) [deleted] on researching whom to vote for:
(2018-10-24) TracingWoodgrains on improving the rationalist community:
(2018-10-24) Beej67 on climate change; and Googology on its effects:
(2018-10-27) NatalyaRostova on motivation and success:
(2018-11-01) naraburns on The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas:
(2018-11-02) Kalcipher on the development of Western music:
(2018-11-04) SpaceHammerhead on matching animal behavior to human patterns:
(2018-11-06) CPlusPlusDeveloper on research about preschool:
(2018-11-08) the_straylight_run on "reefer madness" and the legalisation of pot:
(2018-11-09) lunaranus's book review of Lee Kuan Yew's "From Third World to First":
(2018-11-12) j9461701 on metaphor backfire (non-CW despite being in CW thread):
(2018-11-13) Palentir on the corrosive effect of "star ratings":
(2018-11-14) jmrphy on consensus and "twinkle fingers":
(2018-11-15) sololipsist on gamesmanship:
(2018-11-17) j9461701 compares Lovecraft to Yudkowsky:
(2018-11-30) CPlusPlusDeveloper on rent seeking:
(2018-12-06) senord25 on protein folding simulations:
(2018-12-07) SayingAndUnsaying on taking breaks from internet use:
(2018-12-09) deerpig on an underutilized lab in Cambodia:
submitted by baj2235 to slatestarcodex [link] [comments]


2016.04.08 18:15 LVDave The Adventures of a 19 y/o draftee in 1969.. Part 2

After getting through with processing at Fort Lewis, I took a bus up to Seatac (Seattle/Tacoma) Airport to catch a flight home. Upon arrival, after a short visit with the parents, I asked to borrow one of my father's cars to get out to see my girlfriend.. I'd felt somewhat guilty about my unfaithfulness to my girlfriend while in Australia.. But you'll soon see my guilt was VERY missplaced.
Upon arrival at my girlfriends parents home, where she was still living, I found out that she had been dating another guy most of the time I was in Vietnam, and in fact, they were planning to get married in a few months. She wasn't home, and I found this out from her parents. Needless to say, any guilt I felt about my time with Pam in Australia magically evaporated. What really pissed me off was the fact she continued to write to me as though nothing had changed. Later I found out from a mutual friend that my -now-EX-girlfriend, Laura, had wanted to spare me the "Dear John" treatment while I was overseas, and had planned on telling me when I got home.
Unfortuantly, for her, I arrived a few days before she thought I would, and came by to see her while she was out with "guy #2".. Her parents were very upset about her treatment of me, as they (and I) thought that Laura and I would likely get married after I came back from Vietnam.. After finding out about this, I didn't really care to see her, but since I was staying with my parents, she knew where to find me, and came over and tried to explain. I told her about Pam, and she actually got mad at me for being unfaithful to her.. I was beginning to see I may have dodged a bullet with her... I wished her well and went on my way..
Borrowing my one of my fathers cars was kind of a pain in the ass, as he always wanted to know exactly my itinerary. My response was usually "Just hangin' out with the guys..." which didn't usually satisfy him. Since one didn't have a lot to spend your pay on during a tour in Vietnam AND pay recieved while in a combat zone was not taxable, I came back home with a fair chunk of greenbacks. I'd decided a certain amount of those greenbacks were going to buy me my first car.
While using dad's car one day I happened to go by one of the many used car lots in a neighboring cities' "Mile of Cars". On said lot was this great looking 1966 Ford Mustang. The car was advertised at $795. Since Ford had introduced the Mustang, about 6 years before, I'd always wanted one, and this was a pretty good price, so I thought... I went home and brought my dad back with me to check it out, as he was a pretty good mechanic and I wasn't... Turns out it was one of the "economy versions", 6 cylinder and manual 3 speed. This was ok, as I was crazy about the body style, not necessary needing the 289 V8 or 4 speed or automatic tranny.
My father said it looked pretty good and I decided to go for it.. We paid for it and I drove the car home.. I was proud as punch!! Dad put it on his insurance, since I was still not even 21..
I'd mentioned in Part 1 about an operator at one of the other MARS stations in our net being also from the San Diego area. By this time, he'd also returned from Vietnam and also was on leave. Together, we decided to take my "new" car on a roadtrip up to visit the Largents in Shafter, California. The trip up was uneventful and we had a nice visit with Don and Joyce. It was great to finally put faces on the voices we'd talked to so much over the radio for the last year or so..
For those unfamiliar with the Central California area, the main road between San Diego/Los Angeles and the central valley of California was US Highway 99 and later on to be Interstate 5. Both of these highways go over what is called the "Grapevine", which is a steep grade going up into the mountains surrounding the Los Angeles basin.
Our return trip to San Diego started out uneventful, but as we started to climb up the Grapevine grade, which is a serious upgrade going south, towards San Diego/Los Angeles, the engine on my "new" car began to seriously overheat. After nursing it into MANY gas stations for water topoffs and getting several cans of radiator sealant into it, we managed to nurse it back to San Diego.
My father took a look at it and figured out the problem.. There was a nice little hairline crack in the engine block right behind the waterpump. Apparently somebody had put massive amounts of radiator sealant into the radiator to try to keep this crack filled up, but our run up Grapevine blew out the goop plugging the crack.. Our little bit of additional goop had managed to get us home, since once you got over the Grapevine, there were no more steep grades between there and San Diego, just nice flat freeways..
My father and I paid a visit to the car dealer, and advised him about the crack. Now the car salesman could have said "oh my god, I'm sooooo sorry.. we didn't know about that..." and his As-Is clause in the sales agreement would have saved the day for him.. But nooooooo, this asshole actually kinda bragged about it, and ended with a "and what are YOU gonna DO about it???" Had I not taken my dad with me, who heard the whole thing, it might have been disputable. BUT, my father told me to contact the Navy Legal Assistance office, which, since I was still in the Army, I could do easily and get their assistance. We both went down and spoke to a legal assistance office on the Navy base (for those who don't know, San Diego has a MASSIVE Navy prescence). The legal officer said he'd see what he could do..
What the Navy could do was get me a Ford factory rebuilt engine for my car... I got a phone call from the car lot, telling me there would be a PREPAID rebuilt engine waiting for me at my nearby Ford dealer. All I had to do was get it installed. I'd LOVE to have been a fly on the wall when the Navy lawyer spoke to the ownemanager of THAT car lot... Since the lot was about a mile from the main gate of one of the largest Navy bases in San Diego, it got probably 99.9% of its business from sailors buying cars.. I'm betting this lot had other complaints from sailors, and the owner was told to make this right, or get put on the "Off Limits" list of businesses that military personnel may not patronise.
The military does this quite a lot to abusive businesses. In any event, my father had a friend who ran a auto repair shop around the corner from our house, and the friend agreed to pick up the engine from the Ford dealer and install the engine for me for $150, so after about 3 days, I had a 5 year old car with an essentially brand new engine..
After another week or so of hangin' out with the old highschool friends, it became time to be thinking about getting to my next duty station, Fort Hood, Texas. There was no DOUBT I was going to drive my new car back to have it available in Texas. A check of the map showed it was nearly 1400 miles from San Diego to Fort Hood, so I planned to leave 4 days before I needed to be there. The mechanic who installed the engine told me my first 500 miles or so should be at no greater speed than 50 mph, to gently break the engine in, and since I'd put less than 250 miles on it so far, my first leg of the trip was gonna be at a snails pace.
The day came to leave, I said goodbye to my parents, and got on the road. I'd planned on doing this trip in a somewhat rational manner, like driving for only 8-10 hours, then getting a room and some shuteye.. Once I got rolling, this plan went out the window.. I nursed the car over the mountains east of San Diego, all the way midway into Arizona, which was about 250 miles. Once past the "breakin limits", I tore up the road, and pushed it to 70+. Everytime I thought about stopping to rest for a while, I just rolled the window down all the way, turned the radio up full blast and kept going..
The only stops were in-outs to get gas. I continued on through Arizona, New Mexico, and finally hit the Texas state line at El Paso. I'd been driving for about 12 hours, and I decided to make a stop in El Paso, and since it was early evening, I figured I'd get a motel.. WRONG!
There was some kind of convention going on and pretty much ALL of the rooms in town were booked up. So I stopped, had a nice steak dinner at a restaurant, and after dinner, drove down to a parking lot near the Mexican border, and walked across the bridge into Mexico, just to get some exercise.
After about a hour and half in Mexico, I returned to the car and decided to get underway again.. I'd just driven close to 800 miles, and plus the fact I was now in Texas, I figured I was close... Ohhh Nooooo, up comes a sign that says "Fort Worth 600 miles". Fort Worth being the "turn-off" point to Interstate 35W south that would take me down to Temple/Belton Texas, then a turn onto US190 to Killeen Texas and Fort Hood... Fort Worth to Temple/Belton was 120 miles, and Temple to Killeen was 30 miles, so I had another 700+ miles to go. I was thinking "BOY!! TEXAS IS BIG!!!!"
Once I got off Interstate 10 and on to Interstate 20 at Vanhorne, Texas, it was getting late at night, and I kept the windows rolled down and the radio turned up to WHATever I could find on the AM radio dial. As I rolled off the miles, I recall seeing a sign saying "Pecos 10 miles".. Then it seemed like in a few seconds, there was another sign saying "Pecos 5 miles".. hmmm.. A sign appeared saying there was an all-night gas station up ahead in Pecos, and since I liked to keep the gas tank as full as possible, I decided to pull in. While getting a fillup, I mentioned to the clerk that it looked like they had a "10 mile" and a "5 mile" sign right next to each other.. He shook his head and said those two signs were, indeed, 5 miles apart... YIKES!!! I asked him if I could pull around to the back of the station and get a couple hours of shuteye, and he said he got a fair number of requests for that very thing.. It was VERY fortunant that 1) my car had good front wheel alignment and 2) that stretch of Interstate 20 was straight as an arrow..
I must have been really tired, as I'd planned on only sleeping for about 2 hours, but I slept until the sun came up and blinded me, making about 4 hours of sleep. I made the rest of the trip in daylight and arrived in Killeen Texas in the early evening. Since I was a few days early to check in to my new unit, and to avoid getting stuck in a transient barracks on-base, I got a motel room in Kileen and got a great night's sleep, about 13 hours worth.
On the day my leave expired I reported for in-processing and found I was assigned to a military intelligence battalion over on West Fort Hood. I discovered this unit worked with contractors like Raytheon in developing new types of military radars. About 2 months after I arrived, we began being trained on a new radar being developed by Raytheon.
During the 14 months I was assigned to this unit, I spent most of my weekends when I didn't have some kind of duty, like CQ runner or KP, either to Dallas/Fort Worth, or down to Austin, hanging out at several great places near the UT (University of Texas) campus.
I spent my 21st Birthday on a trip to Houston and Galveston, and while there, I got in a dive boat trip out in the Gulf of Mexico. Also took a tour of the Johnson Space Center, and since this was during the Apollo moon missions, the tour covered a LOT of that, including getting to see Mission Control from the visitors gallery. All in all, I put quite a few miles on that Mustang while in Texas..
On occasion, while in Austin, I'd drive over to Bergstrom Air Force Base (Now Austin-Bergstrom International Airport), to use the base exchange, since the prices were far better than the stores in town. This one time, while having a bite to eat in the BX food court, I started talking to this Air Force Major, who turned out to be quite friendly, and was my first indication that, often, Air Force officers were more like human beings than Army officers..
Despite my being a SP4, and him being a O4, we had a nice conversation. Turns out he was an F4 Phantom pilot and I, being an airplane nut, we had something in common..I mentioned how I LOVED to fly, and was trying to get started with taking flying lessons at the Killeen airport. He said he thought he might be able to fineagle me a ride in his squadrons 2 seater F4. My eyes bugged out... I gave him my name and address and he gave me his, and said he'd let me know if it were possible. He said that getting a civilian authorized for a ride would be harder than for someone who is military.
About a month later, I get a short letter from him saying he'd gotten authorization for me on one of his training flights, and a phone number to reach him at. Turns out his current assignment was flying a office desk, and to keep current in the airplane, he had to fly a certain number of hours a month, and he'd gotten authorization to use the two-seater for one of these training missions, and I'd ride the second seat!!! HOLY COW!!
Came the weekend of my ride, I arrived at the base, and I got fitted for the whole fighter pilot "enchilada", helmet, flight suit/G-suit. I got shown a short film on the ejection seat and its use (or hopefully NON-use!!), and out we went to the airplane... I was in heaven!! I followed him around as he inspected the plane, and then we got in. The aircraft crewchief strapped us in, and he fired up the engines.
For those not familiar with the F4 Phantom, it was the big Air Force and Navy jet fighter back in the 70s. Some of these planes lasted into the 00's and were used in the Gulf War as reconnaisance/jamming planes, called "Wild Weasels".. It had TWO large jet engines with afterburners, and it MOVED!!!
We taxied out to the runway, and he told me over the intercom he'd gotten clearance to do a "high performance departure".. translated this meant full-afterburner and a close to vertical climb after leaving the runway.. We started down the runway, and he kicked in the afterburners and it was kinda like somebody kicked the back of your seat HARD..Being fairly familiar with aircraft flight instruments, I watched the altimeter wind up, and within a minute or so, we were up to over 25,000 feet. He leveled the plane out, and we continued to climb at nearly the speed of sound.. He said he had to hold the speed down below Mach 1 over land as he didn't want a big broken window bill from the Air Force.. What seemed like less than 10 minutes, we were out over the Gulf of Mexico, apparently in one of the training areas where speed/manuvering was unrestricted. He lit off the afterburners again, and we passed thru Mach 1, and on up to just below Mach 2..Then he said something I'd NEVER EVER expected.. he said "You have the plane...."... Up to this point, I'd made it a point to keep my feet and hands WELL away from the controls.. I asked "are you sure??" He said "Go right ahead, I'll cover ya"...
OH MY GOD!!
I gently put my left hand on the stick and tapped it gently to the left and the plane rolled to the left. He said "go ahead and roll us over.. " and in just a second we were upside down, traveling at close to Mach2.. I was chicken to try anything more fancy than just rolling the plane over so I gave it back to him.. He showed me where there was a barf bag, just in case, and he proceeded to turn the plane loose..We did all of the acrobatics that you've all seen at airshows, and even pulled some 5 G's (so he told me later), such that I started to black out, but I'm proud to say I never needed the barf bag, even though I kept it close at hand..We flew back to Bergstrom and landed and I WAS WALKING TWO FEET OFF THE GROUND!!! We "debriefed" at the Officers club where he bought me lunch.. Afterwards I thanked him PROFUSELY and headed back to town. Since this was a Saturday, I'd gotten a motel in Austin, and hit one of the clubs near the university campus that would be jumping on a Saturday night.. OH how I wish I'd had a camera back then to capture this on film, or a GoPro video camera!!
This was the highlight of my 14 months at Fort Hood. Most of the rest of the time was pretty much standard Army day-to-day fare. I got off base and did weekend trips to Waco and Austin, both about 60 miles from the base, or up to Dallas or Fort Worth, about 170 miles away.
Over the 4th of July weekend, I'd accumulated a couple of extra days off due to swapping duties with some guys, and therefore added two additional days onto what was already a three day weekend. I'd decided I wanted to go back home for a few days. So I drove up to Dallas, parked the Mustang in the long-term parking lot and bought a military space-available ticket on Delta from Dallas to San Diego, which cost me a whole $97 roundtrip. At the time, you had to be in uniform to fly on a space-available ticket, so I hit the mens room and changed into the "uniform of the day", khakis.
Thus began the wait.. I arrived at Dallas/Love Field at about noon, and the Delta schedule showed they had 4 flights that either went to San Diego or had connections TO other flights that would get me there. Of course, since this was immediately prior to a holiday weekend, the flights were packed, and since my ticket was space-available, and there was no "space-available", I sat.. and sat.. Finally, I hit the Delta ticket counter for about the tenth time that day, and asked "is there ANYthing else going west towards LA/San Diego tonight??" The agent said there was one more coming thru from Atlanta at 2am going to LA, and he'd pretty much guarantee I'd be able to get on it.. I asked him how could he be so sure, since there were a fair number of us Army types still waiting for just such a flight.. He said it was because this flight was the Atlanta/Dallas/LA "redeye" and it was one of their brand new Boeing 747s...
This exchange was at about 11pm and when the flight arrived at about 1:30am, and we boarded, I was blown away by the size of this critter AND the fact that there were ONLY 20 passengers and 10 cabin crew on a plane that could carry several hundred.. The head flight attendant told us everybody was now in first class, and drinks were on the house.. I was pretty well oiled when I got off the plane in LA at about 5am. I had a connecting flight to San Diego at about 7am, and had a good time at home for the weekend. I managed to catch a direct flight from San Diego to Dallas on the return trip and alas it was not a 747... I can't imagine ANY airline using ANY jumbo today on a "redeye", but again, this was 1971.
Just before I reached my "one year left" in the Army, I somehow got orders to Germany. Since I'd always wanted to visit Europe, I looked at this as a REALLY good deal.. Those in the know wondered WHY I'd gotten orders for Germany with barely a year left in my enlistment, as the standard tour for unmarried soldiers was 3 years.. If Uncle Sammy wanted to send me over for barely a year, I'd be more than happy to make the trip.
After a 2 week leave at home, I reported to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, which was the Army's Overseas replacement station. After a week there, we were bussed down to Charleston AFB, and put on a chartered TWA 707 for the trip across the Atlantic. We made a stop at McGuire AFB/Fort Dix for refueling and then about 7 hours across the pond to Rhein-Maine AB in Frankfurt.
We arrived early in the morning at Rhein-Maine AB, and were bussed to a reception station on the outskirts of Frankfurt where we did some inprocessing. My orders showed I was going south to a unit in Bamberg, about 100 miles southeast of Frankfurt. A bunch of us were loaded on a bus and enjoyed a nice ride through the Bavarian countryside down to Bamberg. On arrival at the division headquarters in Bamberg, we were given quarters in the incoming barracks and told that since this was Friday afternoon, they told us where the mess hall was and that we had liberty until Monday morning.. Woohoo!!!
Several of us noobies decided to tag along with several other guys who were stationed in Bamberg and were just returning from leave, and knew where the good spots to party were. We started in one gasthaus (German for guesthouse or bar) and moved on to several more during the night, with some of the guys consuming large quantities of the potent German beer. I tried to pace myself, as after the first 1 Liter mug of beer, I was well on my way to being crocked. The group decided to head over to a friends home as the gasthaus was running us out. I don't recall the trip to the house at all as I must have passed out for a while, as did several other of the new guys. All of this on what -I believe- was only 1 and maybe a 1/2 of another liter of that potent German beer.
I had no recollection of how I got to the house that we all moved to, but upon coming to, I realized I had an urgent need to visit the head, and while up, I happened to glance out the door of the place we were at, and Holy crap, it was light outside!! I quickly looked at my watch, which said it was about 3:30am, and yet it was starting to get light outside... I went back to the group and asked "Am I going nuts? its 3:30am and its getting light outside".. One of the "veterans" said it was perfectly normal, as during the summer, the sun came up at around 4 am and didn't go down till about 10 pm, making a very nice long day.. Of course, come winter time, it went the other way.. sun comes up around 8am and goes down around 4pm... making a really short day..
On Monday, all of the new people who arrived on Friday were processed into the unit, and assigned rooms. The base we were at had a very cool history behind it. The base was called Warner Barracks, or in German, Warner Kaserne. It was told to us that the Nazi general Rommell's division had occupied these very buildings during WWII. Since Warner Barracks was right in the middle of the city of Bamberg, any large scale training we did was after we convoyed about a hundred miles south via the Autobahn to the Grafenweir training area.
NOTE: While writing this I consulted Wikipedia to check spellings, and found that on September 12, 2014, the US Army Garrison Bamberg held a joint American-German ceremony to officially close Warner Barracks and turn it over to the German goverment.
During my nearly 11 month assignment in Germany, I pretty much went somewhere every weekend I didn't have CQ/KP or other duty. The on-base "bank" was an American Express banking office, which included a sort of travel agency with great low-priced all-inclusive trips via bus to places like Paris and Austria. I signed up for one of the Paris trips over the Thanksgiving holiday in 1972. The trip covered travel by bus to Paris, 2 nights in a hotel on the Avenue des Champs Elysees, several meals, and a tour of the city on arrival. It turned out that the US Embassy in Paris had a turkey dinner for US citizens who happened to be in Paris on Thanksgiving.. This was pretty cool as we all got to meet the US Ambassador to France and it was a great dinner with all the trimmings. I got to see all of the major sights in Paris, and even tried escargot, which by the way, tastes like pencil erasers in a garlic sauce.
I also took one of the all-inclusive trips down to Krimml, Austria. This trip was a ski trip, which included the bus trip, 2 nights in a hotel, lift tickets for two days, plus rental equipment and a 1 hour class. If I remember correctly it was under $100 for each one of these trips. Having never skiied before, I never got off the "bunny slope" as I never really figured out how to STOP. The instructor showed us how to "snowplow" to come to a stop but I never really got the hang of it.. Despite this it was a great trip and added another country to my list of places I'd been.
While I was still at Fort Hood, one of my best friends from high school joined the Air Force. While he was in basic training at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, I went down to see him during one of the weekends he could leave the base during training. He put in to go to Germany after he completed his training, and so it turned out he was in Germany the same time I was, although he was at Bitburg Air Base, which was about as far west in Germany as you could go and still be in Germany. The base was only about 20 miles from the Luxembourg/German border. I made plans to go visit him via train. According to Google-Earth, it is 195 miles from Bamberg to Bitburg as the "crow flies".. If I left the Bamberg Hauptbahnhof (Main train station) at around 5pm, I'd get to Bitburg early the next morning, after changing trains in Wurtzburg, Frankfurt, and Trier. It was essentially a 8-10 hour train ride, depending on how long the wait was in each station for the connecting train. One thing about the DB (Deutsche Bundesbahn/German Federal Railway) was the fact that its trains ran ON TIME.. If the schedule said the train arrived at 4:59, it arrived AT 4:59, not 4:58 or 5:00, but 4:59!! You tried really hard to only take the "Schnellzugs", or Fast/Express trains, otherwise you'd be stopping at every town along the way.
Once I got to Bitburg, I took a cab to the base, and surprised the heck out of my friend the first time I made the trip. He lived in the barracks, which in this case meant VERY nice college-dormatory style rooms, with 2 men to a room. One of the other guys in the barracks had a camp cot in his car that my friend borrowed for me to sleep on. I'd mentioned earlier about Air Force officers tending to be more "human" than Army officers. We were sitting around his room one evening and there was a knock at the door. He answered it and it was an older gentlemen with greying hair, in civilian clothes and my friend introduced me to this gentleman, who turned out to be my friend's unit commander, a bird colonel... He'd stopped by the barracks to see how his troops were doing, and my friend offered him a beer and he joined us for a while in conversation. After he left, I was flabbergasted having never encountered a senior officer quite like that before... My friend said it was quite common in the Air Force..
On one of my later trips out to Bitburg, I happened to come on a weekend where one of the other guys in the barracks, who had a car, was planning on taking a drive up to Amsterdam. He invited my friend and I along for the trip. Cars for US military personnel were VERY expensive. The car itself, possibly not very expensive at all, but the mandatory insurance and the price of gas, even in the early 70s, made for a BIG expense for a low ranking US soldieairman. To help the driver, my friend and I chipped in for gas for the trip. It was about 180 miles from Bitburg to Amsterdam and we spent the day seeing all the sights, including the "Red Light District", which we passed on checking out closely... We drove back via different route which passed thru a corner of Belgium and the Principality of Luxembourg, one of the smallest of countries in Europe..
The nearest other large city to Bamberg was Nuremberg, about 40 miles south of Bamberg. This city, along with Amsterdam (and probably many other German cities), also had a "Red Light District".. In the case of Nuremberg, it was located just inside the old medieval wall surrounding the central part of the city. It was referred to by Americans as "The Wall". It was a several block long street that had multifloor apartments on one side of the cobblestone street and the medieval wall on the other side.. The ladies peddling their wares stood in the apartment doorways in skimpy outfits and leaned out of the windows calling to potential customers. A quickie with one of these ladies was approx 40DM (Deutsche Marke) which at the time was around 3DM to the US dollar, with the price going up from there for "other services"... I will neither confirm nor deny availing myself of their "services" during my visits to Nuremberg.
When the 1972 Munich Olympics came around, the USAEUR (US Army European Command) was granted a quantity of tickets to various events during the games. The tickets were apportioned out to all US Army units and it was up the individual unit to determine who in the unit, got each ticket. My unit decided to have a raffle, with proceeds going to the Red Cross. I managed to win a ticket, which included a 3 day pass surrounding the day of the ticketed event.
After a train ride from Bamberg to Munich, I flailed around for a while trying to find a hotel, but was only able to come up with a bunk at the CVJM, otherwise known as the YMCA. The town was packed to the gills, and after dropping my bag off in a locker at the CVJM, I headed out to see the sights, as this was my first trip to Munich. I visited the Hofbrauhaus and sat in the very place where Adolph Hitler organized the Nazi party in the 1930s. I know this as there was a small plaque on the bench where I sat that stated this in both English and German. I took the S-Bahn (Streetcar) line out to the Dachau Concentration Camp, which was a seriously depressing side trip. The movie they showed during the tour showed the savagery of the Nazis back then. Many people on the tour had to look away during certain scenes in the film. This was DEFINITELY not my favorite part of the trip.
The next day was scheduled the event I had a ticket for, and since the event was early in the afternoon, I hopped on the subway and headed out to the Olympic grounds soon after breakfast. Upon arrival at the subway stop for the Olympic grounds and after getting off the subway, I started hearing a lot of shouting/noise from the crowds. I began to hear things like "shots fired", "terrorists", and then noticed that there was NO one going up the "up" escalators but there were crowds running DOWN the "up" escalators.. I began to get a very bad feeling about the situation, so I hurried and bought a return subway ticket and headed back into downtown. Once I reached downtown and got off the subway and returned to the surface, I began to hear bits of what had happened.. We all NOW know what happened that day..
I watched the news on German tv and managed to pick out what had happened, and that all future events were postponed indefinately.. To make a long story shorter, I found out that my ticket's event was being postponed till the following day, so I called back to my unit to see if I could get an extension to my pass, and was told, due to the attack, they were automatically extending the passes on everybody to the day AFTER the time your event finally happened.. Essentially this gave me an extra day to see the sights of Munich and after my event, I hopped a train back to Bamberg.
I also made another trip to Munich only about a month after the Olympics to see what all the hoopla was about Octoberfest. Once again, I wound up getting a bunk at the CVJM, as there was no vacancies in ANY hotels in town. I was told you pretty much had to make reservations for any of the more swank hotels during Octoberfest about six months in advance. Since I didn't plan on more than just a place to catch a few hours sleep (if possible), the CVJM was fine. By this time I'd been in Germany for a while and had gotten more used to the VERY potent German beer, so I was able to enjoy a bit more of the liter steins of beer that seemed to be the whole point of Octoberfest.
At least back in the early 70s, much of Octoberfest in Munich takes place in large tents, with rows and rows of tables/benches, and pretty girls in dirndyls (the cute Bavarian dresses) carrying four (or more) liter mugs of beer in each hand. Of course, there is also the obligatory "om-pa-pa" band playing German drinking songs. The pretty girls also served up large bratwursts mit senf (basically we'd call it a hotdog with mustard). I was told very clearly by some experts in my unit, guys who had been over in Germany for a good part of a normal tour, namely three years, to make SURE I eat plenty while drinking beer at Octoberfest. They said my problem back on the first night I was in Germany and was only able to drink a bit over one stein before passing out, was the fact I hadn't eaten in many hours. They said eat as many bratwursts as you can, and you'll be able to drink others under the table... and you know what? it seemed like they were right... I arrived at the main "Biergarten" (Beer Garden) in the early evening and got in with some guys who had a head start on me.. I ordered three Bratwurst mit senf and a beer from the passing server. I figured I'd start slowly ..beer-wise.. Several of the other guys I was -trying- to talk to, over the constant "Prosit's" (a German toast) and singing, and the band playing, had several full and half full mugs of beer in front of them.. I could see I had a LONG way to go to even think about catching up.. Not to mention, the bobbing back and forth of everybody at the table, kinda making you a bit dizzy even withOUT the beer... To summarize.. My first night at Octoberfest, I couldn't tell you how many beers I consumed, but much later, probably around 11pm or so, the drunken fog sort of lifted and I decided to make my way back to the CVJM, and managed to get myself lost..
I'd heard that the Munich police are very helpful/sympathetic to Octoberfest revelers, so I went looking for a Polizeiwagen (Policecar). One wasn't too hard to find and when I found one, I asked the officer if he could point me to the CVJM as I was BOTH drunk AND lost. He said he'd take me there, and that he did. Even got out of the car and made sure I made it up to the door of the hostel. The next night was pretty much a replay of the previous night, except I was able to navigate myself BY myself back to the hostel.
The platoon I was in did a periodic deployment to the Czech border, usually lasting about 2 weeks each time. We essentially moved the entire unit to a small "base" about 15 miles from the Czech border, called "Camp Gates". Our platoon sergeant took his privately owned vehicle up to have "wheels" for making trips into town etc. We would then send out teams at sunset with the AN-PPS/5 radars (described in Parts 1/2) to bunkers within view of the border, about 1KM away. We'd pull two hour shifts on the radar, and sleep for the remaining 4 to 6 hours of the night. Every third night, the group that was not assigned duty on the border, would pile into the sergeants car and go hit up a gasthaus or two in one of the nearby small towns. These trips often had the proprietors of the visited places toasting us, and in at least one case, we were NOT allowed to pay for our food/drinks. Since these were very small towns out away from the big cities, the people there often remembered VERY clearly the American liberation after the end of WWII and they were very appreciative of us, being American and all..
The bunkers we operated the radars from had clear views into Czechoslovakia less than 1Km away. With binoculars, you could see the concertina wire and guard towers comprising the "Iron Curtain"..
In fact, if you looked at the guard towers with binoculars, you'd often see their guards looking back at US with binoculars. In fact, there were signs along all of the roads saying in English and German "US Forces Personnel HALT 1KM to Border"... It was illegal for a vehicle with the green "US Forces" license plates to pass that sign, however, vehicles with regular West German issued license plates could pass it.
Came my ETS (End of Term of Service) date, I packed up my stuff (and memories), reported for division out-processing, and was bussed to Rhein-Maine AB again, and put on a chartered TWA 707, this time going WEST-bound to McGuire AFB in New Jersey. After arrival, I was processed out the US Army, given a ticket home to San Diego via Philadelpia airport.
NOTE: After getting out of the Army, after 3 years and 8 months, I had a hell of a time finding a job, basically winding up doing a night security-guard gig 5 nights/week for $2/hour at a heavy equipment yard for about a year and a half, so I decided, after being out of the Army for just under 20 months, to re-enlist for a different MOS. I may or may not write up my adventures during that three year enlistment, as it was nowhere near as fun/exciting as my first enlistment.

submitted by LVDave to MilitaryStories [link] [comments]


2016.03.29 12:56 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I'm an Australian overnight McDonalds Worker AMA!

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Date: 2016-03-29
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Questions Answers
How do you deal with seeing morbidly obese people eating lots of fast food. Have you ever tried to cut someone off or not taken their order? > How do you deal with seeing morbidly obese people eating lots of fast food. Have you ever tried to cut someone off or not taken their order? We don't deal with it unfortunately we can't tell people they can't order food.
What made you want to do an overnight shift? How do you manage the interference to your social life? > What made you want to do an overnight shift? How do you managed the interference it must have with your social life ? I work overnight so my kid doesn't have to go into before/after school care.
Do you think you'll stay working at McDonalds indefinitely? Have you ever been critisize in a meaningful way for working at McDonald? > Do you think you'll stay working at McDonalds indefinitely? Does anyone critisize you for working at McDonald? No I won't be here forever, people critisize it all the time, at least im earning money.
You said you don't eat much McDonalds, do you just avoid junk food or is there a different reason? What is good food in your books? > You said you don't eat much McDonalds, do you just avoid junk food or is there a different reason. What is good food in your books? I don't eat it much becuse i'm around it 40 hours a week.
If you could change anything about McDonalds, what would it be? > If you could change anything about McDonalds, what would it be? Being able to bring your kids in at 2:30 for food. they should be sleeping.
Have you ever been to USA (or anywhere overseas for that matter) and had McDonalds? How do you think it compares? > Have you ever been to USA (or anywhere overseas for that matter) and had McDonalds? How do you think it stands up? I have, wasn't a fan.
Have you ever been working when the place has been robbed? What do you do in that type of situation? What about if/when fights break out? > Have you ever been working when the place has been robbed? No I haven't thankgod.
What's the funniest thing you've seen working at McDonalds? What do you do in that type of situation? What about if/when fights break out? We call the police.
Do you agree with me that Breakfast at Tiffineys by Deep Blue Something is a fucking terrible song with completely pointless lyrics? > What's the funniest thing you've seen working at McDonalds? drunk people getting mad at chairs/windows.
Do you ever spit in rude customers food? 1, no we never spit in anyones food thats extremely disgusting.
What's the worst customer experience you've ever had? 2, I've had numerous bad customers. One would have to be an old customer call the cops on me because his order was wrong (he was the only customer in the store. The order was correct) I've been called a rude c*nt and that they're going to come back after my shift and kill me.
was that today? Is tonight the night you die? No this was weeks ago. I tell them i'll be here. they never return.
How many people are there all night? And how much equipment is left running? On weekdays (which I work sunday - Thursday) theres the manager, one kitchen person, maintenance and myself.
As for equipment everything is on but we need to clean them at night so they may not be running for a while eg. Shake/sundae machine
We used to get a lot of hookers and a lot of baked people. One time, we got a group of hookers who were all high, and a dude dressed in a purple suit - likely their pimp. He paid for all their shopping in $100 notes. Not hookers, at least if they are they dont dress that way. We get alot of trannys in our store at night due to our location theres apparently a club/place they go to after dark. We have one guy come in short skirt who always has his testicles out. We've pointed it out that he cant be in the store if he doesn't cover up. He doesn't care.
I hope that chair gets cleaned after he's done eating. It does. trust me!!
Mc Nuggets or Quarter Pounder? Nuggets probably.
Do you get eat whatever you want ? I don't eat mcdonalds much on shift. During a break if you want something you pay half price.
Also, what happens to wrong orders that get back to you ? When an order thats wrong gets returned we replace the order and the old food goes into a waste bin to be counted.
You're a crew trainer, why aren't you getting a free meal on your shift? Other crew trainers I know get it free. I do. I answered as a general. The only free thing I get is a coffee in the morning I use my free meal for that. All crew though, not crew trainers pay half price. And when they aren't working its 20% off.
That's pretty shit, in the UK everyone gets a free meal every shift plus 50% off with the discount card when not working. Its 20% off here with a metime card to be used at other stores.
Why the hell can't I get a thickshake at night. Is the machine really being cleaned? The machine is programed to go into heat treatment so yes it is in cleaning. It does it every morning around 1-2 am. If you can't get a shake during the day then sorry but I don't know anything about that.
How do you feel about the all-day breakfasts? Has it made life easier or harder? I finish work at 7am so it doesn't bother me. From what I hear from other crew it doesn't bother them much, we don't have the full breakfast menu just select items.
Is crew training all you do for your whole shift everyday? do you work in the same store all the time? what's your wage like? Unfortunately I rarely train anyone due to me being the only front crew person on an overnight. I am only at the one store. My wage is ok, doing overnight theres penalties and loading.
Is it bad that I can't even get a job at maccas after applying over ten times? I guess the closest I got was the interview stage? You would probably have to talk to the hiring manager, I can only think of maybe they needed people for certain shifts that are out of your availabilities. I'm not sure sorry.
Do you get paid extra on weekends? Has your salary increased from the starting salary? Has anyone been underpaid/ripped off? I don't work weekends but I believe you do. Your salary increases every year due to age. I haven't heard of anyone being underpaid/ripped off at least not from my store.
Why did I get mayonnaise on my quarter pounder one night? I hated it. Did you accidentally ask for it? if not, i'd say it was an honest mistake with the sauce guns. You can always take it back and they'll replace it for you.
What are the letters on your badge for? q, s, c, m, x? As answered before.
Quality, Service, Cleanliness, McCafe and then X what you get after you receive the other 4.
Is it not a tad redundant having a badge to signify that you have all the other badges, when you still have all the other badges on there? I dont know. Its their policy i guess.
The X star is actually when you've had a 100% performance review. Well there you go. After I got the other 4 a manager gave me the 5th. I kinda just assumed.
Which store are you at? Can you hook a brother up with a late night cheesy, im starving. I'm not going to tell you what store im at sorry. I can always hook people up with late night cheesies. The key is buying the cheesy in exchange for money.
My guess is the one in St Kilda Your guess is wrong.
Do you have a partner? Is it difficult to have a relationship working nights? I do have a partner. I chose to do nights so that our child wouldn't have to go into aftebefore school care. Our relationship is pretty solid.
Is Hungry Jacks better than Maccas? Why is the $2 Ice Cream cone so goddamn hard to eat? I don't eat enough of either to choose really.
I didn't realise it was hard to eat. You're the first person to say that.
Which state? Is there plans for Mcdonalds delivery in Australia? Victoria. From what I heard there is I'm just not sure when that'll be. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
Does an Australian McDonald's serve anything diffrent on the menu than the American version? We've had a look a few times. I feel like our menu is quite smaller to the one in the US.
Link to mcdonalds.com.au this is our menu here.
Whaaat?! Salsa and guacamole loaded fries?? Also cheese and bacon.
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2014.11.27 21:02 LVDave Adventures of a 1969 Draftee, Part 4

You can read Part 1 here, Part 2 here, Part 3 here..
By request, here's "Adventures of a 1969 Draftee, Part 4"...
Part 3 ended with my return to the states after my tour in Vietnam.
After getting through with processing at Fort Lewis, I took a bus up to Seatac (Seattle/Tacoma) Airport to catch a flight home. Upon arrival, after a short visit with the parents, I asked to borrow one of my father's cars to get out to see my girlfriend.. I'd felt somewhat guilty about my unfaithfulness to my girlfriend while in Australia.. But you'll soon see my guilt was VERY missplaced. Upon arrival at my girlfriends parents home, where she was still living, I found out that she had been dating another guy most of the time I was in Vietnam, and in fact, they were planning to get married in a few months. She wasn't home, and I found this out from her parents. Needless to say, any guilt I felt about my time with Pam in Australia magically evaporated. What really pissed me off was the fact she continued to write to me as though nothing had changed. Later I found out from a mutual friend that my -now-EX-girlfriend, Laura, had wanted to spare me the "Dear John" treatment while I was overseas, and had planned on telling me when I got home.
Unfortuantly, for her, I arrived a few days before she thought I would, and came by to see her while she was out with "guy #2".. Her parents were very upset about her treatment of me, as they (and I) thought that Laura and I would likely get married after I came back from Vietnam.. After finding out about this, I didn't really care to see her, but since I was staying with my parents, she knew where to find me, and came over and tried to explain. I told her about Pam, and she actually got mad at me for being unfaithful to her.. I was beginning to see I may have dodged a bullet with her... I wished her well and went on my way..
Borrowing my one of my fathers cars was kind of a pain in the ass, as he always wanted to know exactly my itinerary. My response was usually "Just hangin' out with the guys..." which didn't usually satisfy him. Since one didn't have a lot to spend your pay on during a tour in Vietnam AND pay recieved while in a combat zone was not taxable, I came back home with a fair chunk of greenbacks. I'd decided a certain amount of those greenbacks were going to buy me my first car.
While using dad's car one day I happened to go by one of the many used car lots in a neighboring cities' "Mile of Cars". On said lot was this great looking 1966 Ford Mustang. The car was advertised at $795. Since Ford had introduced the Mustang, about 6 years before, I'd always wanted one, and this was a pretty good price, so I thought... I went home and brought my dad back with me to check it out, as he was a pretty good mechanic and I wasn't... Turns out it was one of the "economy versions", 6 cylinder and manual 3 speed. This was ok, as I was crazy about the body style, not necessary needing the 289 V8 or 4 speed or automatic tranny.
My father said it looked pretty good and I decided to go for it.. We paid for it and I drove the car home.. I was proud as punch!! Dad put it on his insurance, since I was still not even 21.
I'd mentioned in Part 2 about an operator at one of the other MARS stations in our net being also from the San Diego area. By this time, he'd also returned from Vietnam and also was on leave. Together, we decided to take my "new" car on a roadtrip up to visit the Largents in Shafter, California. The trip up was uneventful and we had a nice visit with Don and Joyce. It was great to finally put faces on the voices we'd talked to so much over the radio for the last year or so..
For those unfamiliar with the Central California area, the main road between San Diego/Los Angeles and the central valley of California was US Highway 99 and later on to be Interstate 5. Both of these highways go over what is called the "Grapevine", which is a steep grade going up into the mountains surrounding the Los Angeles basin.
Our return trip to San Diego started out uneventful, but as we started to climb up the Grapevine grade, which is a serious upgrade going south, towards San Diego/Los Angeles, the engine on my "new" car began to seriously overheat. After nursing it into MANY gas stations for water topoffs and getting several cans of radiator sealant into it, we managed to nurse it back to San Diego.
My father took a look at it and figured out the problem.. There was a nice little hairline crack in the engineblock right behind the waterpump. Apparently somebody had put massive amounts of radiator sealant into the radiator to try to keep this crack filled up, but our run up Grapevine blew out the goop plugging the crack.. Our little bit of additional goop had managed to get us home, since once you got over the Grapevine, there were no more steep grades between there and San Diego, just nice flat freeways.
My father and I paid a visit to the car dealer, and advised him about the crack. Now the car salesman could have said "oh my god, I'm sooooo sorry.. we didn't know about that..." and his As-Is clause in the sales agreement would have saved the day for him.. But nooooooo, this asshole actually kinda bragged about it, and ended with a "and what are YOU gonna DO about it???" Had I not taken my dad with me, who heard the whole thing, it might have been disputable. BUT, my father told me to contact the Navy Legal Assistance office, which, since I was still in the Army, I could do easily and get their assistance. We both went down and spoke to a legal assistance office on the Navy base (for those who don't know, San Diego has a MASSIVE Navy prescence). The legal officer said he'd see what he could do..
What the Navy could do was get me a Ford factory rebuilt engine for my car... I got a phone call from the car lot, telling me there would be a PREPAID rebuilt engine waiting for me at my nearby Ford dealer. All I had to do was get it installed. I'd LOVE to have been a fly on the wall when the Navy lawyer spoke to the ownemanager of THAT car lot... Since the lot was about a mile from the main gate of one of the largest Navy bases in San Diego, it got probably 99.9% of its business from sailors buying cars.. I'm betting this lot had other complaints from sailors, and the owner was told to make this right, or get put on the "Off Limits" list of businesses that military personnel may not patronise. The military does this quite a lot to abusive businesses. In any event, my father had a friend who ran a auto repair shop around the corner from our house, and the friend agreed to pick up the engine from the Ford dealer and install the engine for me for $150, so after about 3 days, I had a 5 year old car with an essentially brand new engine..
After another week or so of hangin' out with the old highschool friends, it became time to be thinking about getting to my next duty station, Fort Hood, Texas. There was no DOUBT I was going to drive my new car back to have it available in Texas. A check of the map showed it was nearly 1400 miles from San Diego to Fort Hood, so I planned to leave 4 days before I needed to be there. The mechanic who installed the engine told me my first 500 miles or so should be at no greater speed than 50 mph, to gently break the engine in, and since I'd put less than 250 miles on it so far, my first leg of the trip was gonna be at a snails pace.
The day came to leave, I said goodbye to my parents, and got on the road. I'd planned on doing this trip in a somewhat rational manner, like driving for only 8-10 hours, then getting a room and some shuteye.. Onde I got rolling, this plan went out the window.. I nursed the car over the mountains east of San Diego, all the way midway into Arizona, which was about 250 miles. Once past the "breakin limits", I tore up the road, and pushed it to 70+. Everytime I thought about stopping to rest for a while, I just rolled the window down all the way, turned the radio up full blast and kept going.. The only stops were in-outs to get gas. I continued on through Arizona, New Mexico, and finally hit the Texas state line at El Paso. I'd been driving for about 12 hours, and I decided to make a stop in El Paso, and since it was early evening, I figured I'd get a motel.. WRONG!
There was some kind of convention going on and pretty much ALL of the rooms in town were booked up. So I stopped, had a nice steak dinner at a restaurant, and after dinner, drove down to a parking lot near the Mexican border, and walked across the bridge into Mexico, just to get some exercise.
After about a hour and half in Mexico, I returned to the car and decided to get underway again.. I'd just driven close to 800 miles, and plus the fact I was now in Texas, I figured I was close... Ohhh Nooooo, up comes a sign that says "Fort Worth 600 miles". Fort Worth being the "turn-off" point to Interstate 35W south that would take me down to Temple/Belton Texas, then a turn onto US190 to Killeen Texas and Fort Hood... Fort Worth to Temple/Belton was 120 miles, and Temple to Killeen was 30 miles, so I had another 700+ miles to go. I was thinking "BOY!! TEXAS IS BIG!!!!"
Once I got off Interstate 10 and on to Interstate 20 at Vanhorne, Texas, it was getting late at night, and I kept the windows rolled down and the radio turned up to WHATever I could find on the AM radio dial. As I rolled off the miles, I recall seeing a sign saying "Pecos 10 miles".. Then it seemed like in a few seconds, there was another sign saying "Pecos 5 miles".. hmmm.. A sign appeared saying there was an all-night gas station up ahead in Pecos, and since I liked to keep the gas tank as full as possible, I decided to pull in. While getting a fillup, I mentioned to the clerk that it looked like they had a "10 mile" and a "5 mile" sign right next to each other.. He shook his head and said those two signs were, indeed, 5 miles apart... YIKES!!! I asked him if I could pull around to the back of the station and get a couple hours of shuteye, and he said he got a fair number of requests for that very thing.. It was VERY fortuant that 1) my car had good front wheel alignment and 2) that stretch of Interstate 20 was straight as an arrow..
I must have been really tired, as I'd planned on only sleeping for about 2 hours, but I slept until the sun came up and blinded me, making about 4 hours of sleep. I made the rest of the trip in daylight and arrived in Killeen Texas in the early evening. Since I was a few days early to check in to my new unit, and to avoid getting stuck in a transient barracks on-base, I got a motel room in Kileen and got a great night's sleep, about 13 hours worth.
On the day my leave expired I reported for in-processing and found I was assigned to a military intelligence battalion over on West Fort Hood. I discovered this unit worked with contractors like Raytheon in developing new types of military radars. About 2 months after I arrived, we began being trained on a new radar being developed by Raytheon.
** End of Part 4 **
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2014.07.30 18:16 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I am Pandora Boxx, best known from RuPaul's Drag Race. Keep it fun & AMA!

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Date: 2014-07-29
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Questions Answers
Hey Pandora, Can you give us any info on what went down while you were performing here in SF? The reddit was buzzing that the performance wasn't going well, and they kind of came and cut you short in your set and there was drama.. Is this true? Was it supposed to be a bit that didn't really work? Ha! I was SO mad. And no the set was going well but they were running behind on time (we had a later show too). Peaches and Heklina were basically forced to go out there by the demand of someone on the crew. They did NOT want to. I almost left and didn't do the other show, only because I was afraid what you said is what people were going to think.
All awkward. Needless to say they did NOT do that to anyone else that night.
That person got fired. I felt bad but she made a judgement call without consulting anyone.
Eeeek, sorry to hear about that whole situation. Not fun for any of us.
Hi Pandora! Long time fan so I'm really happy you're doing this! Hoping you can clear something up. I've heard people say that you're occasionally 'mean' to fans. My question is how would you respond to comments like this, and do you ever find it hard to stay 'in character' with such a busy and tiring schedule? Like, do Michael and Pandora ever blend a little bit? Love you, thanks for doing this! It honestly hurts my heart. I would never intentionally be mean to a fan! Why would I? It makes no sense. I love that I even have fans! It's tough sometimes when it's a crowded club, or I'm tired, or being pulled around so it can happen. I'm only human. Sometimes I make jokes too and in a noisy club may not come across as so. So sorry to anyone who ever felt that way!
Michael created Pandora so yes there is cross-over. Pandora is everything I wished I could be as a shy little boy.
In your opinion, are Sharon and Willam as frustrating to work with as many others have made them out to be (Bianca, the rest of DWV, etc.), or are they getting unfairly criticized? One of the best things about RPDR is getting to meet some amazingly talented and wonderful queens. I know certain queens better than others because I worked and work with them or traveled with them. Darienne and I have been friends for at least 20yrs. We we 2yrs old (Liza Minelli, LIES!) And when you put a bunch of divas in a room together repeatedly, there will be drama. I, personally, have gotten along with Willam and Sharon.
I was a huge fan of yours during season 2. Was obsessed with you and was so stocked when I heard you were gonna be on All stars. I mean I still like you and all and still support you.. but i guess i just went froma superfan to a regular supporter. So no I've never let all this go to my head. I just came in so ready and it was like a punch in the stomach when they did teams. I think we all felt that way.
I guess my question is... did you let fame get into your head a little bit? do you feel you're better than some queens? It definitely was not about how fabulous I thought I was or anything going to my head. I was irritated because I saw the whole outcome of the show once the pairs were picked. I also felt Mimi and I were facing an uphill battle since we were the "camp queens."
How do you feel about the controversy surrounding RuPaul using the word "tranny"? I will certainly never use a word that offends a certain person to them but with this word it has meant different things to different people. Way before it became a derogatory word that uneducated people spew with hate. Those people will still do that. RuPaul has done so much for the LGBT community, in my opinion.
As one of the most successful queens to come from rpdr, did you have a plan of attack once you left the show? I wish you'd come back to Australia soon 💜😢 Why thank you. I actually did. I was planning on releasing a club track called "Lick This Boxx!" when they aired my elimination. That's why I wrote it on the mirror but it all kind of fell through. So disappointing.
I knew the opportunity I was given and it's what I always wanted so I wasn't just going to sit on my ass after :)
Hi Pandy! Since you shared such personal details about your experiences with depression on S2, do you get a lot of people telling you that you've helped them deal with their own depression? How does it feel? I do, all the time. It's truly amazing that by being honest that I could help people. I really had never talked about it to a group of people before. I'm glad I did. It always helps to know that you aren't alone in your feelings. We are all much more alike in our minds than we realize, sometimes.
Who are some of your favorite drag queens who haven't been on the show? So many! Sherry Vine, Jackie Beat, Coco Peru, Peaches Christ, Heklina, Miss Richfield 1981, all the legendary queens. I also really love Daisy Deadpetals, Nina West, Rhea Litre, Mayhem Miller, Derrick Barry, Kasha Davis all of who would be great on the show.
As a famous drag queen and having the ability to travel extensively, which cities do you think have a great drag/gay scene? Which ones do you think could use improvement? So many! Seattle, NYC, LA, Florida has so many! If it's about improving it's similar things about shows: they MUSt start on time or as close as possible, no one wants to see an endless drag show or drag numbers, limit the amount of ballads and queens need to know their audience!
Ah man! Sounds like it was just a bleh experience all around for you. I can now see why it was disappointing. And I assumed they had favored pairings which is unfortunate. Thanks for the response! I think it was for all of us... except Chad cuz she won. LOL.
Why do you think every RPDR queen suddenly seems to be releasing music and do you think some of them should maybe stick to lip-synching? (No shade on you by the way, just seems like suddenly everyone seems to be rush releasing music of questionable quality, haven't listened to yours) Music and drag queens go together. Drag is pushing into the mainstream so who wouldn't want to follow in the success of RuPaul, Sylvester, Divine.
Are all the songs good? No. But are all the songs on the radio good? No. Quality comes with knowing more about the business and having to spend a little more money.
My new video is out 8/5/14 on YouTube! ;)
How do you feel about how RPDR has grown since your season? For example, season 6 seemed a little more fast-paced and forced. Almost scripted at times. (in my opinion) Teleport us to Mars, Teletubby! There's definitely more attention on the show now and there is a certain slickness to it. It's more polished but seems to have less heart. This also comes from contestants watching all the seasons past and knowing what to do or what they think they should do.
How did you meet Tori Amos? Did she know who you are? Was she nice? I went to a meet and greet at her sound check. She was amazing! She didn't but she was very intuitive. She knew I was a writer. Love her! Her Little Earthquakes album was the soundtrack to my 20's.
What music are you listening to recently? And how are you preparing yourself for the modern classic that is Sharknado 2? ;) I just downloaded a bunch of new music from: Ariana Grande, Iggy Izalea, Ella Henderson, Charlie XCX, Sinead O'Connor. I generally listen to female artists, go figure.
I want to be in Sharknado 3! Can we make this happen?
It seems so many fantastic drag queens seem to come out of Rochester. What is it about that area that inspires so many great performers to do drag? And what is it about Rochester that makes audiences embrace drag perhaps more so than most other smaller cities? Rochester is a very "arty" city. There's a lot of culture there which makes it a great environment to be an entertainer. We also worked really hard to build up a great drag scene that appealed to a straight audience. And it worked! If you build it, they will come.
What videogames are you playing right now? Telltale's The Walking Dead, but waiting for the last episode! I just got Puppeteer, so fun! And Lego: Batman 2, Batman Arkham City and still trying to finish Dragon Age: Origins. Does it ever end? LOL.
How did you feel about the most recent episode of The Walking Dead? At the end, I was just running around the room, trying to not hyperventilate and scream really loudly. Intense!
Hi Pandora! I am a long time fan. Question: If you and Mimi would have made it to RuPaul's Gaff-in, who do you think your celebrity duo would have been? We didn't know exactly what the challenge would be, so if it were a "Snatch Game" I was going to do Paula Abdul. But since I've heard what this challenge was (I haven't watch the whole season, ha ha!) I probably would have changed it to Suze Ormann or Liza :)
Do you feel like you felt the wrong way about Mimi on All Stars? Like, do you regret being pissed cause she got paired up with you? It was never her personally or her abilities. I was mad because I sort of saw the outcome of the show when people got paired. I knew we were at a disadvantage. I told all this to Mimi right after we were together :)
We've heard other contestants say that they've had a feeling who was being prepared to win, and when they would be going home. Did you have any clues about this for All Stars? My stank face was NOT about Mimi. I'll just say that.
E.g. some people on other seasons got their hotel bills the morning they were going home. No bills but it was pretty clear who the top teams would be.
How staged was that episode of AS Untucked you were in? The whole episode felt strange and like everything was planted or acted up. It was weird. I felt like it was before they all came in the room. Mimi walking off was real. I didn't want to go after her or go outside (daylight! eek!) I feel like that sealed our fate since it was before the bottom two was announced.
Last updated: 2014-08-03 04:11 UTC
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2014.02.20 20:04 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I am Jason Ellis, author of "The Awesome Guide to Life: How to Get Fit, Get Laid, Get Your Shit Together." Ask me anything.

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Date: 2014-02-20
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Hey Jason/Tully/Will/Kevin/Jetta (...and I guess Hardcore)! Are any of you aware of the part of Reddit dedicated entirely to your show? We'd love to have any or all of you guys come hang out with us. That goes for any and all EllisFam members too! Come kick ass at /JasonEllisShow! New to Reddit, and I'm still not entirely clear what's going on here, but thanks, I think.
Ellis; If you lost your dick in a knife fight; how would it affect your life? I'd probably become a tranny. You gotta improvise.
5) Where can I buy your book(s) online? 5) Amazon etc. Pretty much the same way you buy any other book.
Do you think Rawdog regrets his giant wolf knife tattoo? Shit never thought of that. Maybe. If he does, that's unfortunate. Those were fun times.
Also do you really hate The Offspring? They're like my favorite.. That's cool, man. But yeah, I really don't like them.
Hey Wolfmate, out of all your achievements in skateboarding, radio, and music. What would you say your greatest achievement is besides your kids? The greatest achievement of my life is the radio show. It's ridiculous. It doesn't make any sense. It's like that movie, "Air Bud," where the dog plays basketball. That's how real this is.
Why are you so mean to Wilson? Because he's the link between me and the big bosses. We're the best show on satellite radio, and they don't act like it. So he gets caught in the middle.
Are you still getting your own Sirius Channel or did that fall through? Sooner or later it's going to happen. Right now, I'm focused on taking over the music on the Faction channel. I would say that's one step closer, if that works out. Nothing good is easy.
What about the people that actually DO like the music on faction, even though you hate it so much. Surely we can all come to a mutual agreement. I'm not trying to ruin anybody's day.
off, I have to say I respect both of your penises. Jason, What in the last five years do you regret the most? Tully, how many times do you bite your tongue and not correct something Jason says? Ellis: I don't regret anything. There's been bad times, but I've learned from everything that's happened.
Dude is it gay to do an AMA? Yes.
Tully and Ellis, who would be your ultimate guest you'd want on the the show? And what would you ask them? Howard Stern and Opie and Anthony. I would ask them, "What's your fucking problem with each other?" I would encourage them to talk it out.
Long time listener here! just wanna say thanks for doin what you do! Who has been your favorite person/people to have on the show so far and why? I like Keith Jardine. I know it was just the other day, and maybe because it was unexpected, but he was a cool dude. Rob Corddry is always sweet. Bone Thugs were awesome. I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot of people. (Tully here typing. I'm also drawing a blank.)
Jardine's voice doesn't match his body. I would never have guessed he sounded like that. His brain doesn't match his face, either. But he's awesome.
If you never did the radio thing, what do you think you would be doing for a job? Other than being awesome? If I didn't have kids, I would probably be in porn.
Why do you hate Tully so much? I hate Tully because he is a vampire. And because he owes me money.
Why do you like cumtard so much? I don't. But he's stupid like us, and he wants it.
Any plans for a permanent 3rd seat in the studio, or just roll them in and out as you have been? Probably keep it this way. Seems to be working pretty good.
Hey Ellis, as much as I think you guys have improved alot recently I still miss new music Tuesdays. I enjoyed hearing you bash new music and it was very informative on what was being released. I have purchased over a dozen Cds from that bit including my favorite album from last year. Any chance you guys will eventually reintroduce that to your show? Christian can do it. He's done a lot of great music segments already. I would have Katie do it, too.
Do you still have any desire to come to Florida and help me kill these damn snails? I'm a little bit over your snails. Sorry.
If you could leg kick anyone, living or dead, who would it be? My mom's husband.
The whiskey videos were a big part of me growing up ! i loved those guys, I got to meet Kearns once and he is crazy, whats your favourite memory from those days ? Doing a variable kick flip indie dressed as Boozy the Clown. There you go: a non-drinking story from the Whiskey videos.
If u could take a vacation anywhere, where would u go? 1) with just Katie 2) with your kids. The best place I've ever been is Tavarua, in Fiji. I think it might be the best place on earth. I don't even want to risk it and try anywhere else. I would like to have that whole place to myself and do some Johnny Depp shits.
Who wins in a fight between 20 year old Jason Ellis and 40 year old Jason Ellis? Me.
What has been your biggest challenge in life? Huge fan by the way, your show got me through a lot of shit. Red Dragons! Dealing with the past. Divorce wasn't easy. Well, the second one. The first one was sweet.
What is the best taco? Why? El Compadre. Extra crispy pork. They are skilled Mexican craftsmen who have been making tacos for over 100 years, my friend.
Do you have the new Gnarkill CD? No, I ate it. It tasted better than it sounded.
A hot girl (a good saintly girl, not a party chick) really likes me. How do I not fuck it up? Be respectful. Be thoughtful. Don't be a dick. It's not that hard. Be honest. Be faithful.
The advice is really easy. Really the hard part is living it.
Any chance of taking the radio show on tour this year? Can't get away from my job to catch EM but would be awesome to see a live show. Want to. I want to do a Canadian tour with Death! Death! Die! Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it sounds.
1) Have you spoken to Raw Dog recently and does he ever plan on making a guest appearance or is he finished for good? 2) Rough Date for Ellismania 10? I want to come for the first time and maybe fight in it! Loved the first book, cant wait till the second makes it to me in Canada! No idea on Ellismania. Summertime? Not even sure if it's gonna be in Vegas this time.
Ellis, after getting my knee scoped I've gotten fat and lazy. Any diet tips that'll help me cheat my way back to fitness faster? Harden the fuck up. Don't be such a vag.
I showed my girlfriend an "Am I a slut?" segment.. she took it the wrong way.. what did I do wrong? #foreveralone. You showed her the "Dude am I a Slut?" segment.
Yo Young Wing! I've had Sirius for a little over a year now, and your show is honestly the main reason I renewed my membership. My question is a pretty generic one: What has been your favorite moment on the show so far? Oh and when can I grab some Hatebean swag? When Benji Madden gave me a birthday cake.
What is your dream pterodactyl? That's a legitimate question. Rhonda Rousey, Mischa Tate, and...wait...that means three dudes, right?
1.) Any ideas on the next Ellismania? I can actually afford to come this time! 2.) Any chance you guys are gonna bring back LouTallica Voiceovers? 3.) Any sweet, juicy movie roles coming up? Probably no to 2 & 3.
Do you have any plans for more people for doing stuff with...? Joanna was great. We'll do that again.
What is so difficult for people to understand about "Don't Die"? Are 90% of the callers who call during the last 15 minutes of the show brand new listeners who are unaware of the concept or what? Why do people do 55 in the fast lane? Because a lot of people are idiots. Gotta go. Time to do radio. Thanks to everyone who sent questions.
Stupid haters! Curious... How to become a part of/get with Ellis fam? Also thanks for reposting my pic of your book! New to Instagram and last I checked your repost has given it around 2200 likes! Are you asking for the secret handshake? I'll never tell.
Big fan and have been listening to the show for a couple years now! in hindsight, would you handle the whole "Rawdog issue" differently? Our big mistake was letting our relationship become sexual.
How can I get a chance to fight in the next EllisMania? Send in a three-minute video of you hitting a heavy bag, whenever we start taking videos for Ellismania 10.
I'm a huge fan, never got my jizz rag, and miss you since I can't afford Sirius. I drop Australian shit in conversations Sometimes and my friends look at me like a fucking idiot. That's your fault. Regardless, what's your honest take on the whole rawdog situation? Are we ever going to see him on the show again? The real story is he wanted to become a dog farmer. I told him that's impossible. It literally does not make sense. But I would never stand in the way of a man's dream.
Are you guys still planning on coming to alberta this spring? Want to. People talk. Who knows.
We're going to your book signing on Friday in HB, CA.. we want to bring you a MEDICATED chocolate bar what's your favorite flavor? Thanks for doing what you do, we love to listen to you everyday at work! Aren't most chocolates chocolate-flavored?
Thanks, but I don't really eat that stuff.
What would it take to get mike catherwood to be a permanent host on the show? That's not the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Do you get any hate mail regarding your radio show? I don't think anyone sends mail anymore. But hate tweets. Hate Instagrams. Sure.
Jason, I just want to say thanks for all the laughs. I've been going through a lot of bullshit lately, and listening every day has helped me say "fuck it." My question for you is, what advice would you give someone looking to get into radio, I've been told hundreds of times I've got a voice for radio, and that I'm pretty funny, but I don't know where to start. Would you or Tully have any advice? I don't know how to do that either. Tony Hawk got me a job. Sorry.
Guys, love the show. Been listening for at least 5 years and I'm pretty sure more. Ellis, you have been a huge inspiration to me. We are nowhere near the same person but I want you to know you're my Jesus. Tully, you've inspired me to be smarter and wittier. You're such a fuck head though and I love you. I was sad to see Josh go but we all have to go our seperate ways sometimes and you could see it coming in the months leading up to it. Sad but what are you gonna do? Glad you guys have carried on and at first I wasn't sure if I would like the show without him but you guys carried on without missing a beat. Just wannted to let you know how much your show means to me and us Canadians love you Tully, whether you want it or not. TL:DR - Ellis, what's the best way to buy weed? From the legal weed store. If your state doesn't have them yet, you should think about moving.
Ellis! What is your favorite Metallica riff of all time? Master of Puppets.
I know you always talk about how much you would like to be on television. As a fan of your radio show, I would love to see you on television doing exactly what you do on the radio. How have your recent pitches gone and could we expect to see you having your own show soon? (Please say HBO, please say HBO...) I have no idea. I'm supposed to be pitching stuff. The book is blocking everything else out at the moment.
Hey man love the show & your first book. I will be picking up the second one shortly. My question is what are your thoughts on the sometimes shitty callers? Long time listener, first time caller...uh..um,ahh.. Don't shoot me. It happens. I like it. This is a real show. It belongs to the listeners. I'm not protected. Anyone can get through and say whatever they want.
If u went to career day at devan's school, what advise would u give her class? Find something to be passionate about.
Have you guys ever considered drastically cutting down time on the show talking about MMA, to attract a wider audience? I have not. If I stopped talking about MMA, do you really think I'd have a wider audience?
Is Ellis going to answer any of our questions? Answering as many as I can. Tully types with three fingers, and he's still way faster than me.
I unfortunately don't have XM radio anymore, but you were the reason I kept it for so long. There was a story you told years ago about your daughter bathing and you walked in to POOP EVERYWHERE. Anymore poop stories? RED DRAGONS. You'll have to read my new book.
Love the show Ellis, easily the best part of my day! I am not dueting with Danzig, because that would make me look bad.
On the next Death Death Die album, what musician would be a dream come true to work with? (Out side if Metallica, obviously they'd be at the top) Eminem or Jay-Z?
Jason, was it Andy Irons that you had to restrain on that surf trip? Maybe.
What happened to mayhem miller mondays? i havent heard him on the show in forever. I don't know what happened to Mayhem.
Who would win in a fight, you or Rogan? If it goes to the ground, I'm dead But if we stand up, he's going to sleep.
Oooh, additional question. Preparing for my first MMA fight at the end of 2014, at the age of 34. Any recommendations? My coach is a little woo-woo positive-thinking over-visualizing, and seems to be ignoring things like... diet, and sleep. Not very helpful! If you're gonna fight at that age, you really want all your ducks in a row. If you're not sure about your coach, I would get another. You can't go into a fight questioning the guy in your corner.
Hey Ellis! Wolfknives member Unlimited Bread Basket here, do you really plan on going to "The Dungeon" or that BDSM spot in San Fran with Fat Mike? Not with Fat Mike. But yeah, I would go.
Whatever happened to Awesome World? Played out son.
When you're working on a book, how does it progress? In spurts of typing/writing or with a set amount of time put aside everyday until you're done. Would you consider fiction or are your other creative outlets enough (DDD and your movies)? I would consider all options. I think Tully and I could right anything. If we put our twist on it, it will probably not suck.
Writing process is basically I talk a lot, and then Tully shapes it into a book.
Jason, I've listened to your show for years and I have a ton of respect for you as a man, and more importantly, a father. I'm not a "biological" father, only a stepfather to two gorgeous kids that I wouldn't trade for the world. They have only been in my life for a few years (they are now age 6 and 7). Whats the best advice you can give regarding being an awesome father to them? RED DRAGONS. Sounds like you've already got it figure out. Just appreciate the time you have with them.
Haven't heard monkey news in awhile. When did monkeys stop becoming newsworthy, Jason? I don't like telling the same jokes over and over. It feels weird and cheesy. That's the main reason I'll never be and standup comedian.
Who was your role model growing up? Chris Miller.
If you and Tully had never been paired up, who would be your ideal right hand man? Nobody.
Do you think Will is ever going fight at an Ellismania? No.
Any chance your third book will be a continuation of the first? Less self-help and more autobiography. There is a chance of that. But there is also a chance that I will never write another autobiography again.
Dude is it gay if when I shave my balls I sit in front of a mirror and then when I'm done I masturbate while watching myself in the mirror? Yes.
Love the show. It's so hard to come up with a question because you're so candid on the show and in your book and you talk about everything! What's your favorite thing about Twitter and who's your favorite person to follow? Forrest Griffin.
Are you planning on taking over Howard Stern's time slot when he retires or leaves satellite? Nope.
Ellis if you had to go back and had skateboarding hasn't been invented yet what would you do instead? A surfer or a fighter. Something like that.
Jason, whats the craziest thing a diehard fan, has ever asked of you? For money.
Jason. Do you think your general openness about your addiction/recovery has made it easier or harder to overcome? Easier. I know who I am. I'm okay with it.
Love the show, man. Have you ever tried to get Phil Anselmo on the show? He's promoting a new album, so no may be a good time to do so. Red dragons, motherfucker. Yes. So far no luck.
In your past you've killed shit (eating shark heart, stuff back home as a kid). Treating animal's with respect is common sense but PETA is next level shit (they ignore reason). I used to kill shit as a kid, because that's how I was raised. But I always loved puppies and bunnies. One day I went hunting when I was 30. I shot a rabbit and it reminded me of my dog. People can hunt if they want. I'm cool with it. But that was the last time I ever did.
Still have flashbacks to the George Takei fondling? :) No. It was not that big of a deal.
What is the most memorable Wolfknife name you've come up with? Butterballs.
Hey Wing, what's Katie up to? She's working on the new Hatebean t-shirt.
Hey mate, would you rather take the best parts of LA and move it to Australia, or take the best parts of Australia and put it in LA? Move the best parts of Australia to L.A. Because my friends are in America.
Can you give me a wolfknife name? Sure, just sign up at ellismania.com
Hey EllisMate, I know you spent some time in Boston during the mall cop movie. Did you enjoy it here? Would you ever consider doing an east coast EllisMania? Yes.
Ellis, you ever regret the head tattoo? No.
Danzig and James Hetfield each offer you $1M to have you for 1 night, there's a good chance sex will be involved. But you're not a hooker or anything, so you can only choose one of them to spend the evening with. Who do you choose? Danzig. I don't think he has kids. He's evil-er. I don't think he's much of a grown up, which means there's less of a chance we'll connect, which is what I'm looking for.
Ellis mate, Not hanging out with all my friends.
What was the hardest thing you had to overcome when getting sober? (Five more minutes. Time to get ready for the radio show.)
I know some jackass already asked you this once on your show, but would you rather fight one hundred duck-sized horses, or one horse sized duck? I've gotta get my Dad chest piece covered, but I don't know what I'm covering it with yet.
How many girls has your "shrimp on the Barbie" tattoo got you? I don't think too many. But I'm sure it's helped me out once or twice.
Hey Jason. I just recently broke my back in a moto accident. Any ideas for how to game a chick from a wheelchair? I just want some funny shit I can try on girls. Speaking from experience, being massively injured can help you talk to girls, if you're gonna get fixed up eventually.
If you're in a wheelchair permanently, I've never been in that situation, but I'm sure it can be done. You just need confidence.
How do you mentally and/or physically handle the pressure of your day-to-day life? I can't imagine what your day planner looks like. Katie has my day planner. I don't know what it looks like either.
It's really not that hard anymore. Sometimes I get a little anxious, but I'm about as successful as I want to be. If it doesn't go any further than this, this is sweet.
How awesome is Malin Ackerman and have you tried to have her back in studio? Yes, we have asked. Didn't happen. She's always welcome.
What's scares you more bailing on the mega ramp, losing a fight via kicks to the face, or your kids making mistakes you try to warn them about? The kids, easily. Megaramp isn't as bad as you think. It's hard to explain, but it's harder for me to watch video of myself getting hurt than it actually was to get hurt. It's like you go into a warm little shock blanket.
(Sorry we slowed down for a sec. Breakfast burrito.)
Have you had a chance to check out Rich Franklin's new cafe by your studio? It would be pretty cool to get him on the show. This is news to me. Sounds cool.
Love the show guys. Has Sirius given you anything you are not allowed to do or talk about on the show, besides penetration? Everything usually feels pretty loose, but there have been a few times where it seems like Will comes running in to the studio to change the course of discussion. Along the same lines...ever get in trouble with corporate for something that happened on the air? Nope.
Hey Jason, If someone held you at gunpoint forcing you to get a tattoo in big bold letters on your forehead, but gave you the choice of what it would say, what would you choose to have tattooed on your forehead? Tiger.
If I asked for the VIP line number, would you give it to me? No.
Fuck yeah! Love your show, but I have to drive a company car now with no Sirius. I guess the only question I have for you is if you have completely gotten your shit together now. I know you had been going through a pretty dark time and I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you Thanks. I've never been better. I'm pretty mentally sound, for me anyway.
I know you won't bury your hero but secretly you have to admit that the current Howard Stern Show is just unlistenable. I feel like people who say that are just bitter towards his empire, and because he doesn't have to work five days a week like the rest of us. I don't get to listen as often as I used to, but it seems like the same show it's always been.
Fuck, marry, or kill: Joanna Angel, Shannon Gunz, Cumtard. Fuck Cumtard, because I know how not into that he would be. Marry Joanna. That means kill Gunz, I guess.
Last updated: 2014-02-24 18:37 UTC
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2013.01.02 06:35 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I am Kenny Hotz AMA

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Date: 2013-01-01
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Questions Answers
Any chance for Kenny vs. Spenny season 7? Even a little chance? I would love to do it, I would do 500 more episodes. It's my favourite show in the world. Call comedy central and showcase and bug the shit out of them.
Also, not to be Woody Harrelson, but the more online fans I get the easier it is to convince shitty broadcasters to give us a fucking show.
What about shooting it yourself and putting it up on something like YouTube? That's not what the show is. I do shit that needs cash. I can't wander around with an iPhone. It's a network series. We did the low budget when it started. Better to do something bigger better and cooler. But I hear ya.
So Spenny is not the problem? No, he is a problem. But that's why the show is so good. It's a series. We need a broadcaster. Simple as that.
How much more do you think spenny can handle? Maybe one more guy in his butt. But 4 cocks is a lot right now.
Are you actually communist, your house is full of USSR stuff. No, it's just shit I collected when I was a kid. Fuck the commies.
Right, but you did the low budget before and it worked. Are you less proud of this idea now that you don't think it's worth the same as when you started? I don't go backwards, i go forward.
Have you considered funding a Season 7 using a crowd sourcing site like Kickstarter, getting the budget you need, and then publishing it online? I prefer scabbing corporate cash. I don't want to take my fans money. Fuck that. Let me milk the piggers first, and if that fails then I'll bow my head to you humble folk. And I'll suck your dick.
Whats going on Kenny, I've always wanted to know this; how did Spenny react when you revealed he had been getting blowjobs from a transvestite? Did he flip out off camera or what? Happy New Years! He basically quit doing the show. I broke his brain. My bad.
In the Sperm episode did you really steal that x-ray machine and radiate Spennys balls or was that just for show? And was the cause of his sickness actually the meat you fucked? What was the worst humiliation Spenny gave you? What was the worst humilation you gave Spenny? I did a lot of things in the show to mislead Spenny, this was one of them. I knew that Spenny was secretly watching some of my footage to see my tactics, even though we had a deal that he was not allowed to do that. Because I felt that would actually ruin our series. Even his crew was under strict instructions not to tell him 'there was acid in the orange juice'. The radiation machine was a plan that I used hoping he would see the footage and freak out. I think I fucked up by putting that stuff in the show. But I never radiated him. We just did so many episodes and I was editing so much shit, at the time I just thought 'oh that's cool, the audience will love that' but I should've told the audience what was going on. I did so many things that were worse than that for real. In the end I'm just happy that you're so into the series that the things that piss you off are the same things that piss me off.
I'm just wondering, how's your relationship to Spencer nowadays? Are you still pals? It's getting better. I love him like my down syndrome, amputee, aborted... brother?
I go to school at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario. I was grocery shopping with a friend of mine when I noticed Spenny with his wife. My friend and I approached him and spoke to him for a few minutes. We took a photo with him. Afterwards, my friend pointed out that he looks as if he's been doing drugs. Well, does Spenny have a drug problem? He also looked very depressed. Well, is Spenny depressed? Yes and I apologize for both.
So he actually got married? I don't know about married, but he just had a baby girl. I hope the family gets her back.
I really dont know when your fucking with us or not. That's exactly where I want you.
Is your relationship with Spenny accurately represented on-camera? Do you get along well off-camera? The show is real. Our relationship is real. KVS was a documentary.
How aware was Spenny of the show's running joke? Did he know he was always being manipulated and played along for the humor of it, or was he actually that gullible & naive? When Matt and Trey met Spenny they knew the show was real and they put us on Comedy Central. He had no idea, but he's finally figured it out.
Why does the show have writing credits? Because that's the only way we could get paid through Telefilm.
In the episode where you had to see who could do more with girls, did Spenny really go that far with a Tranny or was that just for the show? Do you actually think he would allow me to fake something like that?
What exactly happened with Spenny's mom on the episode where you were trying to get further with each others mothers? Let's just say I'm still scrubbing my finger.
Did you use your stump finger? No, I only use that on hymens.
Hey dude, do you and spenny ever hang out away from the show? If so how is it when the cameras are off? Do you guys plan on making anymore shows together? What have you been doing? Also, I loved the show KVS and laughed at your amazing antics! Keep it up! I'm only allowed to see him during visiting hours at the pedophile wing of the asylum.
Does Spenny ever smile? I'm not even joking I've never seen the guy smile. Only in playgrounds.
I had never heard of your show before this AMA, but the way you are answering everything gets respect. Here goes the next few hours of my day discovering your insanity. Send me the laundry bill.
What's your relationship with Trey and Matt? Do you know them well? No, they let a lot of strangers sit and write South Park with them. I love those boys. I'm especially close to Matt. I can't even tell you how cool it is to be friends with those fucking guys. I will tell you one thing though that I've never ever mentioned before. The first time they met Spenny, the next day they told me 'Do not ever bring that guy out, ever again.'
True Story.
What did you do for New Years Eve last night? Didn't get her name.
Other then Spencer's mom, what are you working on currently? Just did a google youtube channel deal. Finally pitching more TV. Cross your fingers for the KVS movie. There's "talk"
After that huge construction noise scared the shit out of everybody, how long was Spenny chained in that room before someone finally got him out? Was he just as scared/confused as you and the camera crew were? He was so happy and wouldn't shut up about what pussies we all were. Even though he probably pissed himself while we were all outside.
Why don't you make a kickstarter for funding for kenny vs spenny season 7? Cuz I'm not a lesbo that wants to make some shitty webisode about why my dad doesn't love me.
Also, can you tell us about the best reaction you ever got from Spenny when he went back and watched the episode and saw the kinds of sht you pulled? Violent freak-outs usually.
Does any of them in particular stand out? like did he ever go right off the deep end and start destroying your guys house or something? I love that you realize how fucking crazy the guy went. That was a big part of the show for me was to show people that he was violent and I wasn't. People that are Spenny fans confuse me. Whose side are you on? A guy who's violent or a guy who's not? Thanks for saying that, you really know your shit on the series.
How did the broadcasters react to the "Kennibal" episode of Triumph of the Will? Was it hard to put it past them? Kennibal: They had a fucking heart attack.
Also, if you could rate Spenny's mom on a scale from 1-10; what would she be?! Spenny's Mom: .001 - and that's just because 'it' has a vag.
Any news from dr. Goldfield? He quit the show. I made some joke about him causing 911 and he freaked out and locked us out of the store. For the Christmas Episode he waved for the camera and he's got some KVS 8X10 in his window in Koreatown - Bloor West. But I fucking love him. He is weird, crazy and amazing.
I was so proud when I visited Toronto for the first time and I randomly stumbled upon Dr. Goldfield's pharmacy by complete coincidence. I saw the poster in the window. Cool.
Hi Kenny, what is one of your favorite quotes from KvS that you still laugh at from time to time? for example, "Baby want milk milk" makes me laugh every time i think of you saying it. That is one of my favorite lines. So proud of the millions of jokes I made.
Kenny, thanks for doing the AMA, and Happy New Years! What was your favorite humiliation of Spenny on Kenny vs Spenny? And conversely, what humiliation that Spenny did to you was the worst for you? Oh, so many I loved doing to him. All of them were great for me. Tongue scraping I think was the worst. Number 1 worst humiliation was sitting on a toilet on University Ave. Can't remember the show, it just made me look at my life and think 'wtf am I doing?' But looking back I loved how lucky we were.
I have watched all the KvsS episodes, in the last couple of shows it felt just kinda scripted.. wasn´t there a part of the show planned/acted? I had to prepare all my stuff. Gay guys to rape Spenny. Make sure I had acid. Finding a capaberra. But Spenny's content was 100% real. I've said it many times. When you shoot 30-40 hours a week and you cut it into under 20 minutes, it looks so good and tight, so sure you think it looks fake, but it's fucking real. And I think that's why it got so big. People just knew it was real. Trust me I wish I was such a genius that I could have written all that. If you saw Single White Spenny, you'd know the show was real. That's why I loved that series so much, because it should prove to everyone what he is like when he acts. KVS is real. Shut up. Deal with it.
To this date, what was the most defining moment in your life? Hmmm... good question. Fuck off.
What were some competitions you wanted to do on Kenny Vs Spenny, but for whatever reason were never able to do? Tonnes. But the one Spenny wanted to do was 'Who could jerk off more' and 'who could fuck his mother more' but I didn't want to lose
I have two questions. Are you currently working on anything new? Is there a blu-ray release of Kenny vs Spenny planned? No blu-ray and yes, I am getting back to work. I'm gonna sell a fucking show, pray to god somebody is stupid enough to give me a deal.
I wish I had an interesting question to ask knowing this will be on the front page soon. But I have never seen your show. Best. Question. Ever. Have fun on geek.
Hey Kenny, fucking love all your work. What can your fans do to make sure we see more of your ass stuff on TV? Spam/Hack/Embed Any and all of my shit to any big celebrity. i don't know if you guys realize that me having facebook fans, twitter followers and subscribing to my youtube channel gets me shows. Broadcasters need incentive. The next show I do is going to be fucking retarded.
So... who really smoked more pot The crew or you and spenny? Me of course. What are you a Spenny fan?
I know that you were a war photographer during the Gulf War. Could you share your favourite picture from your time there? Also as a fellow Torontonian, I have loved KVS for years. It was 1991, I actually sold a Kilo of weed to fund me going to shoot that shit. It was really fucking heavy. I don't ever wanna be anywhere near that fucking shit again. People are fucking crazy. People can show up at our house and shoot us and kill our families at any time. Mankind is fucked. Enjoy your life. Be good.
Be honest. Did you ever pork Bianca? No, no I did not. :(
Kenny, what's next for you? KvS is one of my favs and Triumph of the Will was fun. Trying not to get wasted every night or bone too many supermodels.
Hey Kenny. You fucking rock! I was wondering what your neighbors thought of Kenny versus spenny. You guys made a LOT of noise all the time so either you had the coolest fucking neighbors or they were gone a lot. Like who seriously doesn't notice spenny shitting his pants on LSD in the back yard? They were all crack heads. we lived on Sherbourne in Toronto. It's like Main and Hastings.
What is Spenny up to these days? Does he acknowledge Single White Spenny as a horrible show? He works as a portalette in an AIDS hospice.
Are we going to be seeing Anything from you soon? I loved KvS, Testees and Triumph of the Will! Any chance for more? Yeah I'm on 'To Catch a Predator 5' this Sunday.
Silencio vs. Maurice Del Taco, who would win in a naked knife fight? Silencio, but Maurice would be too busy masturbating.
When are you coming back to the UK? When you get a Burkah law.
What is this 'talk' about a KvS movie? I've turned down the movie twice because it was during the series and didn't think we were ready for it. But being a Jew if they wanna throw me millions to make the funniest fucking movie ever. Sure? Why not. Will bail Spenny out of prison and hopefully do it.
Hey Kenny! I wonder whats going on with the Kenny vs Spenny house now. Is some random guy living there or does the production company own it? It's always been rented to Ryerson students in between our filming. I still hope they haven't found that bitch in the southwestern wall.
Which was your least favorite of all the competitions to do? Rapper.
Hi Kenny! Were there any competitions that you guys (or maybe just you) wanted to do but couldn't do because of the broadcaster's restrictions - something just too crazy for television? Yes, always. But dump your pants and those types of shows are embarrassing to me now.
Was there any competition that someone won so fast you had to cut or restart it? 'Stain' was lost in the first 5 seconds. Had to change the rules on a lot of them. We were doing a TV show, we had to deliver an episode or they would sue the fuck out of us. There was a lot of pressure. Like the pressure Spencer's grandpapa put against his teeny sphincter when he was an infant.
Do you have aids? I have maids.
Would you rather fight 100 goose-sized Mounties or 1 Mountie-sized goose? I would like to 'goose' a mountie.
Edit: Or mount a goose... I've already fucked a turkey on national television.
In the episode "Who Can Kiss More Girls?" Spenny found a girl who actually liked him but he didn't believe you weren't somehow in on it. After watching the show air, did he realise you weren't messing with him? And did he ever go after that girl? No idea, i don't think he ever saw her again.
What has been your least favorite challenge? What has been the worst humiliation for you personally? Check others, answered this a few times. Hated doing humiliations, they destroyed. But my favorite part of the show was when Spenny did a humiliation even though he won. Like in the 'beer' episode where I puked, so I lost... but I made him believe he lost.
Are you mentally ill ? Does that include being Jewish?
Hey Kenny! How many times have you gotten in trouble with the law for some of the crazy shit in KvS? How did you get out of it? A lot. We got a lot of calls after shows have aired. Cops are mega fans. In fact, they drive me around like Taxi cabs. When cop cars see me they go 'Hey Kenny, where you going?" and they give me rides places. I fucking love those assholes.
Are you coming back to Calgary this year? I hope not.
Hey Kenny, huge fuckin fan. I'm confident that you wont be posting any pictures of Gurthanthaclops, so in that case my question would be - What competition(s) in KvS did you really want to do that never got approved/aired? Who can smoke more meth.
Huge fan of KvS as well as Triumph and Testees. Just curious what does a guy have to do to get an autographed pic of ya?! Whip out your tit when you see me.
I want my autographed picture. Aw. thats so nice.
Is Spenny aware that "Single White Spenny" is probably the worst thing made EVER! Also what do you think of it? BTW Loved Triumph of the Will, if you cant do a 7th season on KVS Please Do more TOTW. I'm so happy people loved TOTW. It's so amazing to me that I could do something that KVS loved without Spenny. When I got the gig I literally shat my pants because I literally thought there was nothing I could do that would come close to KVS.
Also super happy Spenny's show was so shitty, even though that's a horrible thing to say about a friend. But he was a real dick to me, and took me for granted. Hope he learned his lesson.
If he has learned his lesson, I'd love to do more stuff, but he needed to eat shit. Cuz he really is who he is on the show, and it really is hard working with such a dick. Especially someone you've known since you were 6. Thanks for asking, nice to rant.
Kenny, out of all the outfits and personas you have, which is your favorite? I love Helmet, Silencio, Del Taco, Kenny3000.
But my favorite is Kenny.
I really was hamming it up for you cheezers.
What was the worst episode for you? I think rapper. Cow. Some of the Season 1 stuff I felt like we weren't allowed to anything. Cuz it was CBC.
What ever happened to pilgoor? He was covered in rosemary and lemon juice.
Thank you for gracing the world with some awesome Canadian television! Which episode was the most genuine fun to film? I think 'fart' was my all-time favorite. 'Naked' was fun too. I loved shooting the show with my pals. It was just us. So much fun. I miss it.
Did you and Spencer really have a gay moment in Europe? France I think it was.. Uh, he did.
Who does a fan have to actively bother to get Triumph Of The Will a second season? Xo. Dude I ate a guy. It's over. :(
Can we please get a show of just Kenny 3000? Fuck yeah! One of my favorite characters ever. My brother's favorite as well.
Do you still like to nug out ? Nug any more.
How hungover are you? My penis is hung over my couch if that's what you mean.
How are your testicles today? They smell like a Mr. Sub assorted cold cut.
Have you tried to give the Segway another go? Fuck you segue, I fucking hate you.
Is it true Spenny went bankrupt and moved to Kingston? He also tried to plug his new show to us that only plays on a channel you have to order. needless to say I ordered it. Yeah... he's a bit of a mess. But I love him and miss him. I managed to save all my cash.
When is The Dawn coming out? Every morning baby.
Kenny, I am a huge fan. I missed your interview with Chris Hardwick at JFL42 and it was a very sad day for me. Any chance of you and Spenny releasing the script you did for Pitch or trying to get it made into a movie now that you might have more pull in the biz (and of course barring Spenny not hating you)? The script from Pitch is on the pitch DVD. Right now I'd like to make anything.
Are you still good friends with your camera crew? Yes, super close. Hang all the time. Matt's here now.
Is the Mosque you built on TOTW still up and running? Yes, the bomb didn't go off.
Hey Kenny, huge fan. Thanks for doing this AMA. Just wondering if there will ever be a Triumph of the Will Season 2 or if you are working on any similar projects?And will season 1 be released on DVD anywhere outside Canada? I want to do a new show. i'm trying to. fuck the dvd, just download it like everyone else. send me the 12.99.
Hello Kenny i am a huge fan of the show. i created this reddit account purely so i could ask you this question. on the episode who can get further with the other guys mum what really happened when you put spencers mum to bed? hope im not to late 4 u 2 respond. Honestly...
I stuck the tip of my finger into her snatch. just enough to get the smell on it. i made spenny sniff it. it never made it into the series because the broadcasters considered it incest. a strict no-no that never made the cut. i killed me it was the best ending EVER!
I saw you were a writer on Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation. What the fuck was that? First gig spenny and i got paid for. made 6 g each. it was fun.
Can Spenny be blamed for the female turtle? No, he can be blamed for little boys disappearing.
Why did you eat people? Because i knew that it was the only chance anyone would get to do it. i'm kinda sorry i did, but when you get these opportunities in your life to make insane unique shit, you grab it and deal with the consequences later.
You've quite the fanbase here in Iceland. Ever thought about going there and maybe do a stand up or meet people that would be interested to work with you? I love to go there. sell some herring and send me a plane ticket!
How did you get away with all the shit your did in ToTW? Like you stole so much shit and robbed stores.. How could you put that on TV and not get in deep? Ya that was kinda stupid. but cops cant prove i did it after it was shot, nor does anyone complain. it's not like some koreans are going to call the cops if a suit is missing! and they will NEVER see the show. but i feel bad next time i'm in vegas i'll bring them some cash.
How pissed were you after Spenny tore all of your clothes after he found out that you made the note that said he had HIV? Not very.
SHITS AHOY GAYLOR!!! MORE KVS in the future??!!?!?!? Fingers crossed for a movie!
How was the experience of writing for South Park? How much of Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow was yours? Please say at least the jew gold. That's basically the only thing I ever got into South Park. But hearing Cartman do my line was fucking Biblical.
Was Audry your girlfriend during the the viral vid episode? Did you ever call up any of the girls after the who can bone more episode? Yes audrey was and still is my girlfriend. and, no. i wasn't really into any of the girls on the show. i get more pussy than tender viddles.
Can we pretend I'm famous and have me headline at the Hoxton? Just get famous!
Hey kenny, in that episode where you tricked spenny into thinking he had HIV, did you purposely let people see the house/mail address? and if so did you ever get fans ringing to say hello? No. that was an accident. we used to get people banging on the door to say hi all the time.
Hey Kenny , I have one question . What's your next show , that i can look in germany ? I miss your dirty jokes . I miss my grandparents, thanks for killing them.
Who Are you? I am the way the truth and the light.
Hey Kenny I was just curious if you've ever thought about trying and do something with the dickhouse guys who do jackass and the like? They do some out there stuff. I like their stuff but not really into the stunt shit.
Is it legal to masturbate, yes or no? Yes and it's also legal to send me the footage.
Where should I send it and do you really want me, a guy to send you my footage? Send it to spenny. it'll be my birthday present to him.
When Spenny was on top of a cliff threatening to jump off a cliff on the biggest balls challenge did you actually expect him to do it? Were you genuinely worried or did you assume he was full of shit and threw him a bone? Threw him the bone 100% i hated that so much what a baby. i had to keep feeding him shit like that now and then so he'd keep doing the show. so annoying, hate that about him.
Kenny, I am a huge fan! I don't know why but I never get tired of KvS. I've watched every episode so many times! What is your favourite KvS episode you guys have done to date? My top two are Meat and Drunk. Never gets old. Fart. meat and drunk are in top 10.
Kenny! This will probably get buried but i have to ask.. Is Spencer really that naive/stupid? There were moments when i thought the show was scripted, because of how naive he was. Miss your show! Take care Ya i also made him look pretty bad in the edits...
Huge fan of KvS and TotW here! My question is did the placenta you ate actually taste good enough to eat again? Also, what is your favorite aushwitz/hitler joke? I can't stop laughing when I remember: "my grandfather died in auschwitz, he fell out of the guard tower shooting jews" Placenta was gross, tasted like Kid liver kidney. Let me tell you why I make holocaust jokes. It's cuz everybody hates the jews and I figure if I'm self-deprecating maybe they'll think twice about insulting the original Master Race.
Spenny appeared on Top Chef Canada as a guest judge. Given the fact that you are the one who actually can cook and appreciate good food, any chance we could expect to see you on Top Chef? I'm so pissed about this. I bumped into the producers and told them I wanted to be a judge on the show. I guess they retardedly called Spenny (not being fans) and he took my spot. They told me I can be on the 2nd season. I said "fuck you, the only way I'd go after Spenny would be to stab Jesus."
If you could bang any celebrity, who would it be? Marylin Monroe. Got a shovel?
Who came up with the opening cinematic and the audio track for the intro to KvS? Me thats why i'm in all the shots and spenny's face gets covered in each panel. i even screwed him in that! he wasnt around much for post production. also the music was modeled from "procreation of the wicked" celtic frost.
Kenny, I just watched the "Who Can Eat the Most Meat?" episode of Kenny vs Spenny for the 100th time, and then watched the pork episode of "Triumph of the Will". Which one of those is the real Kenny? P.S Every character in any video game I make is named Pilgore now. Both, but 1 is older and wiser. not sure which 1 though.
Hey there sailor boy! What happened to Dr. Goldfield and how did you meet him? He's still around. and one of the office pa's in season 1 knew him and thought he'd be good for the show.
For your law breaking episode, what research did you do beforehand to find all the laws to break? Searched 'what laws to break' - but i knew that there was old stupid laws from the 1800's that i could fuck with. ps. that's matt stone's favourite show!
Come to Australia some time? There are tonnes of fans here. Would be fuuun. Dying to go!
Who made the intro of the KVS episodes? Me.
Are you by any chance related to terence mckenna? Yes.
Has there ever been a competition that the producers wouldn't allow? I'm the producer!
Did you ever get attacked on the streets of Toronto when you were doing Maurice Del Taco? I mean it's obviously rude to gays. Haha. Actually, we have a large fan base in the gay community, including Spencer.
Did you plan on throwing the homeless cum in spennys face or was that a spur of the moment thing? Spur of the moment. i cant believe i did it. felt so bad afterwards. and it's not homeless cum, it's probably from cab drivers and anonymous gay johns.
Saw you were still anwsering questions, why did spennys mother never want to be seen? Would you want to be seen if you gave birth to spenny?
Hi Kenny! My big brother is a huge fan of you and KvsS, is there any chance in the world you could write something for him on a piece of paper and hold it next to your glorious face? :DD I understand if that's too much to ask!! Ok!
what happened to yarp yarp? xD. He's cryogenically frozen in area 51.
How was your "Brown sugar" ? Swwweeettt.
Wheres your club? On the corner of google ave and search lane.
Last updated: 2013-01-05 23:30 UTC Next update: 2013-01-06 05:30 UTC
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2012.09.21 00:33 tabledresser [Table] IAMA overnight clerk/security at a 24 hour adult "video arcade." AMA

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Date: 2012-09-20
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Questions Answers
What is an adult video arcade? We sell porn, adult toys and "novelties," and in the back we have video booths where people can pay money to sit in a dark closet and watch porn.
So can they beat it in the closet? Not legally, but yes, yes they do.
Am I the only one who hoped that porn video games were now a thing? They've been a thing for a while...
It was 'Duke Nukem 3D' that first opened my eyes to the concept of the nudie booth. I remember finding it hilarious...and disgusting. Yeah, I kinda thought glory holes were tropes before I started working here.
Who cleans that shit up? How much does the cleaner get paid? Me, minimum.
It's probably not good for business, but have you ever mentioned to any of these booth renters that there's this thing called the internet that has all the porn you could want and allows you to beat it at home for free? Nope. I'm sure they've heard of it.
Do they cum out of the closet? If they do, they get kicked out. They have to keep the cum in the closets.
Where is it illegal to jerk off? I don't understand anything. You sell porn so that people can jerk off but it's not legal? It's illegal to jerk off anywhere in public.
Example? The entire Leisure Suit Larry series. Though it's pretty soft-core.
Define glory holes; i apparently have been sheltered. It's a hole, in between two booths, that you stick your dick through.
A jizz-mopper should not make minimum wage. You guys should unionize. Too bad I'm in a "right to work" state.
You should change the title of your post to "IAMA someone who has the worst job you could possibly imagine". I can think of worse jobs than this.
Do you not just put some toilet paper and a bin in there? I mean, it's still pretty grim but not as bad as cleaning it off the floor. Nope. If you want tissues, bring your own.
So you're a jizz-mopper. Yes.
But you said they are sitting in a dark closet. This is a public retail establishment. It's kind of a grey area.
Do you know whats on the other side? You don't! Part of the fun!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that only means you can't be forced to join a union. "Right to work" states have plenty of unions. I could be (and probably am) mistaken.
Seems like there would be some health issues. Aren't people who pick up biological hazards supposed to get hazard pay? Probably somewhere.
Let me guess, New Mexico? CO.
Wouldnt you be saving yourself some grossness if you put tissues in there? You know, as opposed to just letting the splooge on the floor as an alternative. Then I'd have to get rid of all the tissues that are cum-glued to the floor.
You ever have to forceably remove people? are there regulars that cause trouble? cops come in? I just threaten them with the bat, and they leave. Most of the regulars are good, and follow the rules. I haven't had to call the cops, but as a store we do at least once a month.
What are the rules? The enforced rules, or the posted ones?
Enforced and posted. Also, any personal rules that you created on your own? Posted include no masturbating (yeah, right), or touching anyone else. Enforced: pay in or leave, and don't be an ass hole.
Edit: Da rules
rule of cum club, you don't talk about cum club. That actually seems very true. The customers that are in to buy products are much more talkative than the ones who come in for the arcade (with a few exceptions). And very little is ever said about the arcade, except to jokingly introduce it to bachelorette parties and drunk frat boys. The people in the know are in the know.
Wouldn't 'Deviate sexual intercourse' be included in the 'Sexual intercourse'? Or maybe i'm missing something. It means anal, in addition to vaginal.
Clarification question: Why "deviate sexual intercourse" listed if "sexual intercourse" itself is already on the list? Anal, in addition to vaginal. It's an old sign.
What's the strangest product you've actually sold? Bree Olson's Silicone Head.
The "Try me" sticker on that makes it ultra weird. Agreed. It's a tiny mouth inside that hole.
Oh god. There's a button that says "try me." ಠ_ಠ. There's a hole that says "try me."
As weird as it is, I still wanna put my finger in there. I've done it. The little tester things are creepily cool to touch.
Do people ever come in and ask you where to get meth or crack? Also, are there any gloryholes in your booths? They come in to use meth and crack, and we sell inhalants.
We have two glory holes.
Do you get any women going into the glory hole booths? Not at all. Once a month, maybe.
How hot are these once-monthly glory hole women on a scale of 1-10? Just by the fact they use them, -3. But objectively, 4-5.
if someone were to slip you a $20 would you be willing to text that someone when a female posted up in one of your booths? I'm asking for purely scientific purposes. Sure, but they'd have to wait a long time, and chances are higher in 3rd shift than first.
So who actually is going into those booths? Closeted gay men? Or are they typically empty and men are just sticking their dicks into nothingness? Closeted married men, unattached gays, lonely singles.
How much does the average jizz mopper make per hour? Minimum. And I have to refuse a lot of "tips."
Even if they want to give you just the tip? You have reached the problem I face.
What's the long term plan? Do you ever wake up and wonder how you ended up in the overnight clerk slot of an adult arcade? Seeing as there's no subtext to the written word I should say this isn't intended to be rude. I want to own a farm. High aspirations indeed! I work here because I need a job, not because it was my dream to work here.
Are you worried about the difficulty of the modern American independent farmer? Do you see it as a viable aspiration given the demise of the family owned farm? That is a serious concern. I'm more interested in using the land as a permaculture BnB/restaurant, rather than trying to directly sell whatever I grow.
Best of luck to you. You can always throw a booth in the back room if times get hard. Hahaha, I'll keep that in mind.
What did you have to eat today? Marie Calendar's cheesy baked potato something-or-another.
Sounds good. I'm not a fan of baked potatoes myself, but with enough toppings, I can handle them. Mostly I just need to be less lazy before work, so I can eat something other than frozen dinners.
I always take a day that I'm actually making something, and then make a shitload of extras just to take to work throughout the week. It doesn't require extra time because you are already making something. I try to pack leftovers, but sometimes I wake up fifteen minutes before work, and don't have time to assemble anything, so I keep a few backup meals here in case.
I make them into pre-assembled meals so I just grab a single container and go. No prep. So I have like, 4 bags in my fridge with whole meals in them that I made on Sunday. I will grab 1 bag as I walk out the door each morning and not have to worry about a thing. I might steal that idea.
Who has to clean the booth? I always imagined that to be the worst job on the planet. That would be me. It's not fun, but it's a job.
I assume you just grab the power washer and hose things out? If by power washer, you mean gloves, sponges and mop, then yes.
Well its bound to get asked... Worst day of work? Honestly, most of my days aren't bad. It's never fun to kick someone out, or have things stolen, but 85% of the time I'm just on reddit.
Do people have self control or do they make it an objective to cover everything in baby gravy? Some are better than others. I'd rather deal with a spooge covered floor than a piss soaked one.
Do you open NSFW links at work? Yes.
I don't know why I upvoted this... but i did. Because you like me?
I feel like there's a philosophical raptor meme in there somewhere. Link to i.imgur.com
What would be the estimate average age of the customers whom enter? The majority are 45+. The younger people who come in are mostly drunk college kids who think the idea of vibrators is titillating (hehe).
Me and my fiance go to our local adult video store a lot do you have any favorite couple customers? There is an awesome gay couple that comes in every once in a while. Really, any customer that talks to me, and doesn't bee-line to the arcade is pretty chill in my book.
I am 1/2 of 'that awesome couple.' Yup, we use the bookstore, no shame (on the internet) lol. You guys (girls? Girl/guy?) make my shift so much better!
What was the job interview like, did you know what you were signing up for, did the interview questions deviate from your standard HR schpiel? I knew the reputation of the store before hand. Definitely some weird questions though, like, "How would you respond to someone whipping out the junk and jacking it in the corner?"
How did you answer? "Kindly ask the man to put his trouser snake away and leave the premises."
I was told there was no reason to be that kind to the creeps who come in.
So i'm guessing they wouldn't hire a girl for the job? 2/3 of the employees here are female. I'm the only guy other than the manager.
Would you kindly. More like, "Get the fuck out, before I beat your ass with this bat."
Are they not constantly getting hit on by horny men? They are.
Why do you think that is? I figure it's because they like the attention or its an easy (relatively, considering the hazards) job and it sounds cool/liberated to say, "I'm a chick who works in a porn store.". ...Or is it simply a numbers game? Like more women apply or do more women get hired? I'm not sure. I honestly haven't thought about it. More likely that the girls who come in aren't as sketchy as the guys, so they are more likely to be hired.
How much money does the average jizzmopper make per hour? Minimum. God, you guys are great at slang terms for my job.
With the staff primarily female I'd imagine they get more than their share of offers. A significant portion of our clientele is homosexual.
That's not something I'd have expected. Obviously a portion, but are you talking half? More? Arcade: probably in the 3/4 range.
Retail: probably closer to 30%.
I thought the arcade was hetero content? No, only 8 channels of hetero, actually. The other 16 are gay/tranny porn.
What are the top five best sellers right now where you work? Porn, always; sex pills (which don't work btw); fleshlights; lube, penis pumps.
Lol penis pumps. Don't laugh till you try!
So what type of "sex pills" are you referring to? Pills similar to Viagra? No, eXtenze and the like. They are just botanical supplements.
sex pills (which don't work btw) The placebo effects works, depending on what pills you're taking. It won't make your shlong long, but fake Viagra pills can give you the extra boost if you honestly believe it'll work. And placebo works even if you know it's placebo, so go ahead and buy all the eXtenze you want.
So you judge people who buy pocket pussies, but not penis pumps? Why is one worse than the other? I judge everyone, I just judge those that buy pocket pussies the harshest.
Why is everyone downvoting the OP on this? Because none of them have tried a penis pump.
I always see them on gas stations and wonder if they actually work... so they don't work? If you believe enough.
O.O. Here's the source
Shouldn't an adult store be one of the few places that you can go, be the grossest form of yourself, and not be judged by employees? I make mental judgements, as I'm sure you do. I don't treat them differently, just view them differently in my head.
OK, now I have to ask.It's not my bag or anything ;) What are they supposed to do and do these things actually work? If you have trouble getting erect, then the vacuum created inside will force your penis to engorge with blood. That plus a cock-ring and you can get hard anywhere anytime.
Have you tried a penis pump? I never really understood what they were for, other than being a joke in movies. Do they make you bigger, or are they for jacking it? They can give you back the size you had when you were younger. And feel kinda cool. And yes, I have.
That study is completely flawed, but I appreciate providing an actual source. I tried :/
Ah, Ok. I always thought they were to enlarge. Thanks for saving me $20 ;) If you are older than it can increase you to the size you were when you were in your 20s, but it's not magic.
Your penis shrinks as you age? TIL... So is it pointless for a 20 yr old to use a pump? What age does it makes sense to use one? You sir, have opened up a whole new world to me. It's not pointless, just not as useful. Use one whenever you want!
How old was the oldest person that you have severed and what did they get? One guy, who looked like a college professor (tweed vest and all), came in and bought: 2 penis pumps, a vibrating cock ring, and a vibrating prostate pleaser (like a butt-plug, but shaped a little different).
Interesting! thanks for the AMA! No problem! If you think of anything else you want to know, feel free to ask!
Why would someone use a booth (and pay for it!) when we have a whole internet full of free porn that you can peruse from the comfort of your own home? I wonder that every day.
Well from what you said before, it sounds like a lot of closeted gay guys come in. Probably hiding from their wives. They need a place where they can go without anyone finding out. If they have to pay, so be it. Exactly. Let them get their rocks off.
They just watch it, its not even a live show? Nope. Just videos.
What's the weirdest porn they sell at your store and what kind of people actually buy it? I think both midget porn and amputee porn are rather strange. The last midget porn we had was bought by a coworker to give to her uncle. As for the "Hump my Stump," I have no idea.
Hump my Stump. ಠ_ಠ Yeah, I shoulda snapped a picture of it before it sold.
Another question. In your opinion do you feel there is an "exhibitionist" aspect to watching porn in a public place like your store versus in the privacy of one's own living room? I imagine for some people there is, we also get a lot of married men (presumably closeted gays) who come to use the glory holes.
Is the use of glory holes "allowed" and masturbation isnt? Neither is legal, as both are technically public indecency. As far as allowed, as long as I can't see it, and you don't shit or piss on the floors, I don't care.
Naive Glory Hole questions here: Where are the Glory Holes located? Bathroom? Private rooms? Who puts them there? Between video booths 1&2 and 3&4, management.
Interesting. So when you do see the glory holes in use, do people just post up in them and wait? Is there an occupied sign or a universal signal? There are lights above the occupied cubicles. And yes, people will post up in one for 6+ hours some times.
But if you jizz on the floor, that's okay? As long as its in a booth, yes.
Pic? I know that's weird, but I'm really curious how this would look. I do not have one. I'll post one when I get back to work tomorrow night.
Have you ever had anyone ask for a snuff film? Or do you guys sell anything poised as such? (I'm thinking of the movie [8mm] (Link to www.imdb.com. Some of the BDSM films get close, but, no, we don't have people ask for snuff films.
If you could buy 3 things there, price no limit, would would they be? From the store? Not much.
Do they just... Splurge wherever? Do you have at least a bucket or something? Mostly on the floors, some on chairs, walls and tv screens.
Does anyone ever walk out with jizz stains on there pants and shirt. i imagine this would be hilarious. Yes, and it's more gross than funny.
What is the most fucked up scene you have seen when you go to clean up a booth? Piss leaking out from under the door, broken crack pipe pieces everywhere, crusty napkins stuck to the walls and ceiling.
How old are you? Ever any hot girls in the store buying things? It's a college town, so occasionally yes.
You've mentioned a preference for cleaning up jizz rather than piss or shit, so I'm wondering, how often do piss and shit make appearances in the booths? Piss, weekly. Shit, rarely. I get broken glass more often than shit.
Please, do go on... Single shot bottles of booze, broken and whole crack pipes, used needles. Used condoms, crusty napkins and paper towels. Dripping pillow packs of lube.
What type of gloves do you use? I am taking not your typical latex gloves. Nope, just latex. I normally double glove though.
Would you get in trouble if you looked up porn on the computer while at work??? If we had a computer, probably. For using bandwidth.
Reading through all of your responses, you seem to be very cold and defensive. is that how you are naturally, or is it because you feel as though maybe people are coming at you from a place of negative judgment? The actual questions I don't mind, but being openly called an asshole for answering as honestly as I can, of course I'm going to become contentious. Instead of asking for my justifications for what I've said, or even reading all of what I've said, people read through half of a thread then jump in and comment. I'm not trying to be cold and defensive, but I know that I get that way when confronted. Thanks for pointing it out. I was just getting annoyed.
Whose the strangest person you've come across in your line of work? Also what's the strangest situation you've had to deal with? I talked to a guy, one night, who thought he was Jesus. The slightly crazy type that becomes voluntarily homeless. He told me about how he set up a tent in an AC enclosure behind a church, and some crazy run-ins with cops. I guess he had skipped on bail or something by this point, which made taxable work almost impossible. He had just set up a website with a PayPal donation link to try and sponsor himself to Central America. I haven't seen him, except the one time.
One of the strangest was a couple on vacation from New Zealand (or maybe Australia, I have trouble with the two accents) who came in one evening after an obviously large amount of alcohol. They stumble around for a while, laughing at the porn and giant dildos, before the man notices the Penthouse Playmate pocket pussies. He gets all super worked up over it, and ends up buying it, much to the horror of his girlfriend. She storms out as he finishes getting his change and bag, and as he's leaving he slurs at me, "I hope you don' fin' thiss inthe trash la'er." Then I watched the two of them stumble off on CCTV.
Wat. Which story would you like clarification on?
Lol, have you ever had a famous person (pornstar,porn director looking for toys etc.) come in to the shop? No. That would be cool though.
What is the most awkward thing you had to "throw" someone out for? Repeatedly harassing other customers. My shifts are generally surprisingly lackluster. The bigger issue than throwing people out is keeping them out. With very few exceptions 86ed customers repeatedly try to come back, sometimes only a few hours later. One guy came back the exact same time, the same day of the week for 2 months, hoping I wouldn't notice.
Do people get laid at these places? Wtf. It has been known to happen yes.
Has your sex life been... more dull since working at the store? Or has it been different in anyway before vs after starting to work there? Honestly, no. I still am in to more or less the same things.
Are booths labeled hetero or homo? They are not labeled.
What are your favorite and least favorite parts of your job? The cleaning is definitely the low point of the night. I really like spraying the parking lot too, it's kinda zen to just go mindless and power wash everything.
Pancakes or waffles? Waffles, as long as they aren't blue.
Aww dissapointed, pancakes rule.. There a good replacement for buns on a BBQ bacon cheeseburger.
Well has a couple gone into the gloryhole for each other? I would think that would be more likely than just sex in a booth. We have a couple come in, the guy will go in one side and watch the wife with some rando through the glory hole.
You haven't, but has anyone ever had sex in the store? I'm positive they have, yes.
What do you do if people what do you do for a job? and has anyone one you know ever come in to buy something? Tell them to bring in a resume. Yeah, I've sold plenty to friends.
Do you somtimes feel like 'ah, fuck this shit, you're all disgusting fucks' or did you somehow get used to all this and just don't care anymore? A little of both. I get really annoyed with some of the customers, but mostly I don't care.
What do you say you work as on tax forms/to your parents? Retail. My parents both know. My paychecks are 3rd party, so it doesn't come up.
I dunno, Jizz-Mopper sounds like a better field of work than "retail", maybe you should make that the official name. I'll consider it.
Do people piss on the floor to be gross, or is it a "thing"? To be gross, as far as I can tell.
I'm pretty sure you work at the Penthouse Penthouse. Nice clip!
Suggestions, hmm. What would you suggest if someone wanted a pocket pussy? Fleshlight.
What's the funniest thing you've seen whilst working there? I get the biggest kicks from the groups of drunks.
How much does a jizz mopper make? Minimum.
Ok... I know you probably can't say where you work specifically, but I live in a "right to work" state as well and have always been curious about visiting a place like this. If only for the life experience of doing so. Can you tell us a city or state? FoCo Colorado, come visit me.
Ever worry about catching an STI working there? No. I keep any open cuts well covered, and always use gloves in the arcade. A few of my coworkers have accidentally pricked themselves with used needles, and had to get tested, though.
Do we really need to ask specific questions? Just tell us stories about all the weird people you run into. It's a surprisingly boring job.
Who has to clean up all the nut? Me!
Ugh, What do you use? Fabuloso! and bleach. Lots of bleach.
This line almost made me spit out my soda from laughing... It's not as funny when you live it. Actually, no, it's just as funny.
How much jizz in volume do you estimate is spewed in a given week. A quart? I have no idea.
Is it still wet when you clean it up? I assume that evaporation would significantly reduce the volume. Is there a way you can save it so you can measure? The cum is dry, the piss is not.
Last updated: 2012-09-24 17:00 UTC
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